~ Weight Loss Surgery ~ Journey back to ME...

HAPPY 2011: 4yrs. 9mos. PostOp

2011-01-03T06:17:00.000-08:00

I'm listening to Misty Edwards - "My Soul Longs for you"
SOOO powerful...I've seen the Lord fall on me like a sudden Rainstorm...it's a pleasant surprise...sometimes uncomfortable...but when it's over -- YOU ARE SOAKING!
I want him like that now...this year.
LET IT RAIN in 2011!! Hallelujah Jesus...make all things new God!
In a short matter of time - HE ALONE can turn anything around.
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God's riches blessings in your WL Journey....
God has 'FREE'd' me in soooo many ways as I shed 160#'s.....wow.
it's hard to believe that was all nearly 5yrs ago!
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HALLELUJAH!! He makes all things NEW....including ME!

MERRY CHRISTMAS: 32mos. Post Op

2008-12-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful LIFE! I certainly am thrilled about my weightloss...and maintenance.

Last night I watch one of my most favorite reality shows -- THE BIGGEST LOSER -- I absolutely LOVE that show! I did the math to percentage of weight I have lost in my 161 lbs. I've lost -- 48.2%! I was amazed...wow.

I feel proud...emotional...connected to those people on such a deep level. I don't think their success is MORE SUCCESSFUL...or that my journey is easier...or that I've taken the "easy way out". It's just DIFFERENT.

I like to look at the similarities...we started in the same place...

Morbidly Obese

In denial about how we were feeling...

Depressed

Hurting - physically & mentally

STUCK!

And then we ended in the same place...

Healthy weight

Educated about food

Educated about exercise

Hopefully more sane

LESS PAIN

Thrilled with a new lease on LIFE!!!

The only difference is....we took a different pathway! I know, for me, that I could've lost weight that way too! I am a strong, capable woman! Not to mention in my late 20's I lost 120's with Weight watchers and Jazzercise! My problem was during that process....I was SOOOO focused on my weight loss...that I didn't properly HEAL my inner self!

Unfortunately, I gained every pound back + about 35 additional pounds! Now....I have a completely different lease on LIFE.

DONT BE MISTAKEN-- I'm NOT completely OVER my my eating issues...I'll need to blog on those thoughts later -- PROMISE I WILL!!

For now, my encouragement to you is.... just enjoy life....be encouraged....and make a choice -- and BELIEVE!!

Believe in yourself...that no matter your pathway you choose YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
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LIFE IS GREAT!!!

MY LOVE....

Most thankful that My sweet daughter Isabella will have a Mom that can be active with her...live LIFE...and not hold her back - or pass on unhealthy behaviors!

My Weight History....over the last 19mos.

2007-11-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

JOURNAL: "Pre-Bariatric Surgery weight loss..."

2007-10-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

"Obese patients who lose up to 10 percent of body weight before bariatric surgery have more rapid postoperative weight loss?? "1

I didn't lose ANY weight before my surgery....and although, I think that it's a good idea - I think this is a rediculous quote...and I am living proof that's it most likely not true. By my one year surgi-versary I had lost over 77% of my excess weight...now, 18mos post op....I've lost 86% of my excess weight!

According to an online article....it's seems to think differently:

"Those who lost more than 10 percent of their excess weight before surgery were more than twice as likely to have lost 70 percent of excess weight one year afterward, compared with those who lost between none and 5 percent of their excess pounds before surgery."2

BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I really hate this sesational crap-o-la...

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ANYWAY...it's not about a "formula" - it's about working hard...learning about nutrition...practicing a good exercise behavior...making good choices...having self-control...and being authentic with your inner self and WHY you got to became morbidly obese in the first place!

1 & 2 - United Press International; "Pre-bariatric surgery weight loss helpful"- Published: 16, 2007 at 5:17 PM

JOURNAL: "Losing 158 pounds has been a JOURNEY..."

2007-10-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

....and a DREAM!! Losing a 158 pounds has not only been a journey...but an adventure.
It has been a time to be authentic...a time to be honest...not only with myself, but with those around me.
It has been a pilgrimage of walking thru many years in and out of obesity...trusting God not only for the trek - but the pathway - and getting real about "Health & Wellness."

To me, Health & Wellness is three sided triangle...balanced perfectly on each side...there can be no unity in the equation unless you look at them & deal with them each equally.

- weight & exercise
- food & nutrition
- my "thoughts & feelings"...

truly began - "Good" resulted in facing the pain. His word stood firm - For years, I hid inside myself with my weight issues - or my denial of my ‘weight issues’....once the weight started melting off, God showed me the deeper fights I had to face. "SAY WHAT?!"
It is not about "DIET" or "FAT FREE" - & I needed to understand more about food & nutrition... and make sure I understood 'what' and 'why' certain foods were better choices than others. Thru this journey I found that a regimen of whole foods, nutritional supplements, fasting and ‘functional’ exercise could be the choice for my new life.

Although I’d love to say that "did the trick"....it didn’t....it only opened my hearts door wider. And honestly...this is where my journey toward wholeness & freedom began. Only when I began to face the truth and stop avoiding the pain was I able to identify the smallest childhood pain - that to some might seem insignificant - but to a little 6 yr. old mind - was HUGE.

By facing this truth about myself...and letting God take me there, I found that I trusted Him more and more with my feelings.

This is where my healing began....and HIS truth....My Lords Word came alive -

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

And now, awakened from my slumber of disillusions & dishonesty I found...self-control & self-discipline....education & awareness...and the pursuit of truth thru trusting God... ALL producing - "Miracle upon Miracles...& Grace upon Grace!"
No matter what you’re dealing with....if you have the courage to stand with authenticity in the pain you are facing - you will move beyond it to freedom and the fulfilment of your dreams.

Be Brave...walk each day as it comes...minute by minute!

2007-07-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

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"Stand in the space that has been created for you, by being braver today than you were yesterday." ~Star Jones Reynolds

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I love this quote....

JOURNAL: July 23rd - "15 mos. Post Op"

2007-07-23T00:56:00.000-07:00

JOURNAL: Usana....

2007-07-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

On your MARK....RESET....Go!!!

I've done the weight loss success formula called the RESET Pack (basically a a 5 day "fiber clease" ) with USANA.

It was sooo great - basically it was replacing my meals and snacks for five days with the conveniently packaged USANA Macro-Optimizers and begin "fresh" with a new, healthier lifestyle.

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In five days, here is what happened:

Lost the Cravings—it helped reduce carbohydrate cravings with the low-glycemic bars...and they were soooo delish!
Lost the Pounds — I dropped nearly 7 pounds!!! (6.8#'s...and I've been on a stand-still....and now...continue to lose!)
Jump-start to getting back on track with my healthy lifestyle — in hopes that I can lose that last 30#'s.....
FOUND the initiative to the "New Me"— Helped me discover a smart simple plan....that leads me to a lean, healthy, and energetic person inside of me! Just what I needed!!!

The whole RESET came with a simple guide, DVD, and magnet, and vitamins for the full 5 days (prepacked for AM/PM)....15 pre-packaged protein shakes, 10 nutrition bars. (one snack/protien, one fiber for each day!) I got the variety pack so my shakes were chocolate, strawberry and vanilla....and then I had the 'peanut crunch bars' and 'lemon bars.'

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Then now to maintain....it's been really simple. I've just doing my vitamins...the snack bars, protein shakes (to replace my morning meal... and sometimes an afternoon/lunch). This is not like any other "shake diet" I have ever tried. This program has kept me full, energized, and will help you accomplish your weight loss goals too!

If you are interested in trying it....check it out at my Journey Back 2 Health website!

JOURNEY BACK 2 HEALTH & A Journey Back to Me....

2007-06-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

Two years ago I weighed 333 pounds...and finally found myself at the breaking point. There were many factors that led up to my "breaking point" ... but one was when I was going for my annual physical and my doctor confronted me about my weight. He said if something didn’t change about my weight that my future would be grim...and he’d give me five years to start getting some major co-morbidities. This was shocking.

Being nearly 200 lbs overweight & classified "Super Morbidly Obese" - as well as being the mother of a 2 year old (at the time) - got me to looking at not only what my weight was doing to ME...but to my husband and daughter as well.
Because of the severity of my obesity, my health needs, & my past diet failures - I decided that weight loss surgery was the best choice for my life - and my future. In making this decision I felt "free" - but also a deeper sense of responsiblity than I ever have before.
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The next months were filled with preparations for my surgery...but I also spent a significant amount of time looking deeper into health and wellness. I figure if I was going to be putting a smaller amounts of food in my body - I would need to understand more about food than ‘fat free" or "diet"...and make sure I understood what and why certain food were better choices than others. Thru this research I found that a regimen of whole foods, nutritional supplements, fasting and functional exercise would be the best choice for my new lifestyle.

I was introduced to USANA by my sister Kathy... and I’m sooo thankful. Not only for my cellular health...but also the business opportunity. My husband and I live in NYC...and he is a student, while I am freelance designer...when I heard about the simple structure & the tax advantages - we knew that we had to get into the business. USANA is a company that cares about people, and the structure of our business has brought our entire family together - working our businesses together- what FUN!
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I still have about 40 pounds left to lose until I reach my goal. And because I am 16mos. post op from my surgery... the weight loss is 80% my behavior & 20% the surgery. I have to eat right and exercise to get these last 40 lbs off.

The weight loss success formula I am using- starts with RESET Pack (inside there are instructions that will explain the whole plan).... and then maintains with an order of one bottle of Essential Vitamins (a must!), two boxes of bars and six cans of Nutrimeals. This is about a months supply and everything has a thirty day money back guarantee.... so, try it risk free! This is not like any other "shake diet" I have ever tried. This program has kept me full, energized, and will help you accomplish your weight loss goals too!

I’m excited to share with you USANA Health Sciences they formulate an exceptional, science-based nutritional and personal-care products. However, inferior manufacturing can destroy even the greatest product formulations. For this reason, USANA manufactures its own nutritional supplements, and voluntarily meets Pharmaceutical Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP). Pharmaceutical GMP standards are far more stringent than the food GMP requirements set by the U.S. government for supplements. Because of this high quality standard- I have found USANA the best choice in nutritional supplements. Especially, for me, being a weight-loss surgery patient who needs the highest quality of nutritional supplements in my everyday maintainence plan.

JOURNAL: June 23rd - "14 mos. PostOp"

2007-06-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

The Same "Little Black Dress....."

2007-06-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

Well....this little number certainly didn't go to waist - and it was a great accomplishment to wear the same "Little Black Dress" that I wore 10 yrs. ago at our Ten Year Class Reunion.

I was glad to be VERY near my goal...but also to be within a pound and a half of where I was 10yrs. ago!!

Miracle upon Miracle!! What a blessing!

I'm thankful.....and we had a wonderful evening...actually the entire weekend was nice. You can read more on our "COATES FAMILY: Summer Adventures!"

Weight Loss: How Many Pounds? How Many Calories?

2007-06-11T20:20:00.000-07:00

I found a blog about what it would take to lose a pound of fat. It seems that is a popular way to gauge the enormity of what all of us are doing here.

This site calculates more information than you'd probably wanted to know about just what you have accomplished.

1 pounds is the average weight of 0.53 quarts of water.

To lose that amount of fat would mean to burn 3,500 calories! That is the equivalent of 0.13 gallons of gasoline.

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Below is 1 pound converted to other forms of fuel.

3,500 calories is equivalent to:

0.13 gallons of gasoline, or
1.33 pounds of coal, or
1.73 pounds of oven-dried wood, or
0.23 gallons of propane

This amount of energy would ...

Brew about 10 pots of coffee, or
Light a 60-watt light bulb for 68 hours ( 3 days = 0.03 years)

Cutting 3,500 calories is the same as saying "no" to:

44 apples, or
35 bananas, or
206 cups of cabbage (whew!), or
24 baked potatoes, or
44 large eggs, or
29 cups of 2% milk, or
3 pounds of ground beef, or
40 glasses of wine, or
11 Snickers bars, or
15 Clif Bars ( 19 Luna Bars), or
25 cans of Coke, or
21 pints of Guinness beer, or
7 Big Macs, or
7 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, or
5 Whoppers, or
11 Subway 6" Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwiches, or
21 Taco Bell crunchy tacos, or
15 slices of pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut
What it Takes to Burn 3,500 Calories

To burn 3,500 calories, a 190 pound male would have to:

Backpack for 6 hours (0 days) nonstop, or
Walk for 13 hours (1 days) at 3 mph straight, or
Walk 40 miles (25 kilometers), or
Bike for 10 hours (0 days) at 10 mph, or
Bike 101 miles (63 kilometers), or
Play basketball nonstop for 6 hours 0 days), or
Play billiards for 16 hours (1 days), or
Go bowling for 14 hours (1 days), or
Stay on the golf course for 10 hours (0 days), or
Spend 5 hours (0 days) playing competitive football, or
Jump rope for 4 hours (0 days) straight!

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To date I've lost 150 pounds -

the average weight of a 20-year old male.

How Much Fuel Is That?
To lose that amount of fat would mean to burn 525,000 calories! That is the equivalent of 16.94 gallons of gasoline. Humans, however, are far more efficient than cars, getting about 912 "miles to the gallon". If you could dump this many calories into the tank of a Honda Civic, you would be able to drive it about 576 miles before running out of gas!

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150 lbs. converts to other forms of fuel or 525,000 calories is equivalent to:

16.94 gallons of gasoline, or
187.55 pounds of coal, or
260.45 pounds of oven-dried wood, or
22.94 gallons of propane

This amount of energy would ...

Brew about 1,464 pots of coffee, or
Light a 60-watt light bulb for 10,169 hours ( 424 days = 1.23 years)

Cutting 525,000 calories is the same as saying "no" to:

6,563 apples, or
5,250 bananas, or
30,882 cups of cabbage (whew!), or
3,621 baked potatoes, or
6,563 large eggs, or
4,375 cups of 2% milk, or
378 pounds of ground beef, or
6,034 glasses of wine, or
1,625 Snickers bars, or
2,188 Clif Bars ( 2,917 Luna Bars), or
3,777 cans of Coke, or
3,088 pints of Guinness beer, or
1,067 Big Macs, or
1,019 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, or
750 Whoppers, or
1,591 Subway 6" Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwiches, or
3,088 Taco Bell crunchy tacos, or
2,234 slices of pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut

What it Takes to Burn 525,000 Calories

To burn 525,000 calories, a 190 pound male would have to:

Backpack for 869 hours (36 days) nonstop, or
Walk for 2,011 hours (84 days) at 3 mph straight, or
Walk 6,034 miles (3,772 kilometers), or
Bike for 1,522 hours (63 days) at 10 mph, or
Bike 15,217 miles (9,511 kilometers), or
Play basketball nonstop for 837 hours 35 days), or
Play billiards for 2,431 hours (101 days), or
Go bowling for 2,027 hours (84 days), or
Stay on the golf course for 1,522 hours (63 days), or
Spend 677 hours (28 days) playing competitive football, or
Jump rope for 639 hours (27 days) straight!

You would have to walk the length of England about 10.14 times to burn 525,000 calories.

How Long it Will Take?

The range for safe weight loss is about 1 to 3 pounds of fat per week. It could take anywhere between 50 to 150 weeks (12 to 35 months) to safely and reasonably lose that amount of weight.

A great place to start your journey would be with our series called "10 Fat Mistakes" It shares the ten most common mistakes people make and how to overcome them.

Tis the Season...

2007-06-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

BATHING SUIT Season - that is.....

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Honestly, this was the first of many years that I didn't stress out about it TOO bad!! I didn't enjoy it - by any means (meaning it wasn't 'painless') - but, it wasn't HOURS AND HOURS in trying on suits and feeling utterly disgusted!!

I started at BRA TENDERS - this amazing bra place that my friend Cheryl (the Rockette) took me to! Funny enough, the customer before me was BETTE MIDDLER!!!! That's NYC for ya! LOL.

Anyway...I did get fitted for my new bra...and I am still a DD but now am a 34. So, after getting 2 new bras that hike these babies up....I tried on "TANK-INIS"....with bras on the inside. I Love the one I bought - b/c it's one of my favorite shades of Turquoise....

Then, I went off to Macy's to look for a bottom....thankfully these days they are selling things as separates...and it wasn't a huge deal to buy a bottom. I did figure out why they are selling suits as separates....b/c your suit is pretty much double what they used to be!!!

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ANYHOW....one of my sweet friends (Becka Marie) from my online support - Renewed Reflections - lives in Hawaii...and is gonna pick me up a gorgeous Hawaiian Sarong to go with the whole ensemble!!!

Pièce de Résistance: "The Inner Work"

2007-06-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

If I could say anything to you about losing weight - I'd say, concentrate on the "inner work" that needs to be done. Asking yourself..."why do I struggle with ____________?" (fill in the blank with motivation...food....self-control) And start there.

If you don't do the INNER WORK first or at least - during...you will constantly be revisiting your 'diet'....or always trying to lose the "same 20#'s"...or MORE.

Honestly, for me, there are soooo many days when I don't feel 'motivated'....or I'm have a 'carb attack'...'sweet attack'....or think I feel constantly hungry. (none of which is healthy for me...emotionally or physically)

That is when I have to get 'REAL' with myself....and put some tools into action-

What's my consistent complaint? (like my eating or my weight)
What's my assessment?? (what's going on??)
What choices am I making? (acknowledging that I am in control - it is my choice or decision -good or bad- I'm not in a trance being 'pulled in' - it's not something that is just mysteriously 'happening TO ME')
What am I "getting out of it?" (It's easy to believe that the problem is my eating or my weight - but it's not....it's all about what I 'get out of it'....my pay off!)
~ TO CONTROL...OR AVOID BEING CONTROLED
~ BEING RIGHT...
~ JUSTIFY MYSELF OR MY FEELINGS
~ AVOID LOOKING AT A DEEPER HURT OR PAIN
What is the cost? (When I am consciously or subconsciously getting something out of my complaint there is a cost....often several....here are some I experience.)
~ LOSS OF SELF or SELF-EXPRESION
~ LOSS OF HEALTH or VITALITY
~ LOSS OF LOVE or CONNECTEDNESS
~ LOSS OF FULLFILMENT or SATISFACTION

Once I have been authentic with myself and can see the choice I'm making what I'm getting out of it...and then to determine what it's costing me...then an only then am I able to take it to God - otherwise - all I do is complain to Him...and feel sorry for myself...and like a victim! Using this process has been the main thing that has gotten me thru this journey. I often have to do these steps DAILY!

pièce de ré·sis·tance (pyĕs də rā-zē-stäNs') n., pl. -
a French term, translated into English literally as "piece of resistance", referring to the best part or feature of something , a showpiece, or highlight. Literal translation of the phrase, however, fails to define it. The phrase gives the sense that the referred-to element is the defining essence of the whole, that part that makes it memorable or gives it its unique character. An outstanding accomplishment or the principal dish of a meal.

This process is imparative...You must walk this road - "Rue Pièce de Résistance"

Doing the INNER WORK is "the defining essence of the whole journey." Doing the INNER WORK is the "part that makes it memorable & gives your journey it's Unique Character!"

13 Month PostOp...

2007-05-19T01:52:00.000-07:00

So...it's been 13 months...I'm at 186.4#'s.

A total lost of 147.4...

I'm amazed...and actually feel wonderful!

I'm less than what I weighed at graduation....

Still about 3.5#'s from what I weighed 10 yrs ago at my 10yr. class reunion. It was my goal to be at least the SAME weight as that reunion at my 20yr. reunion.

I'm still thinking I'm gonna wear the same dress...WHY NOT??

I spent a fortune on that "little black dress" back then....and it is, afterall, a little black dress.....so....

ANY WAY...my reunion is in a MONTH...& I'm excited!!

MYTH: Carbonation stretches out your pouch

2007-05-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

"It doesn't stretch your pouch as is. But, the temporary expanding feeling can interfere with the eating and drinking you must do for your pouch. The true trouble with carbonated drinks is, many of you were *addicted* to it, and it often triggers cravings. Some surgeon says it stretches your pouch because that is easier to understand for you, and easier to relate. I say, stay off the stuff, but, keep just one can in the fridge for an "emergency". Often, just knowing that it's there when you can't resist your craving any more, will actually help you resist the temptation." This quote was Originally Posted by DocSanae on RENEWED REFLECTIONS BOARD

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OK...here is my 2 cents! I'm sooo glad that this "myth" is dispelled....I've heard the rumor too - but it sounds ridiculous. Although, I completely agree...and can testify to the "imprinting" of sodas in my early life!

IMPRINTING: noun - a learning process in early life whereby species specific patterns of behavior are established

Before WLS I drank 1 to 1.5 "route 44" sodas - (all kinds- sometimes a Cherry Limeade Soda...sometimes a Vanilla Diet Coke) I noticed that these were addictive in themselves....44oz. of this type of drink can really mess with your mind...and it was just an great example of my "over indulgence." We'd always swing thru the drive-thru of Sonic...and then get food at other drive-thru's....The other thing that triggered me to have a "Route 44" drink was just driving by a Sonic....I'd immediately feel the craving...even if I hadn't thought of it...or was thirsty.

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ANYHOW- After WLS...actually, several months back...I think it was last fall - so it was around 6-7mos PostOp - I had my first small drink of diet coke...I remember feeling extremely GUILTY. I even posted my 'confession.' I think I felt like I broke some "cardinal rule of WLS" - and it just emphasized that I was failing at my postop rules...and I was terrified of "stretching my pouch" - and failing at this surgery...and eventually would GAIN BACK all my weight and be OBESE again! ugh!!

So...in the last 6 mos. I've done some VERY deep soul searching & internal emotional healing. - I've become VERY aware of what is going on for me when I "crave" a soda. There is so much around the imprinting... and just like an

AIR SUPPLY song can muster up a feelings for me of new love from Jr. High....
SODA musters feelings of me wanting to have pizza, chips, burger, fries & Taco Bell!!

Funny enough...I think these are all things I'd eat with soda when I was in my adolescent years...and incidentally when I began my bad behaviors of my eating disorder. I continued these behaviors thru the years...

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MY EXPERIENCE:

I still have a drink of soda 'now and then'....but I do as Doc suggested. There is ONE diet (caffeine-free) coke in my fridge. There is something about it being in there - "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" - and if I drink it...I get a small tea cup put some ice cubes in it...and try to get as much fizz out as possible. I also am constantly 'thinking', -"what's going on for me? Am I bummed or blue? why do I want this soda?" usually it's just the fizzy taste...and then I stop there. I don't like the feeling of too much in my pouch...or the 'gassy' feeling it creates if I drink more. What I think....If you can cut it out completely...do it, good for you! But if you are worried - don't beat yourself up!!! DO THE WORK...check out what might go on for you emotionally!

A Word to the NEWBIE of WLS...

2007-05-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

If there was ANYTHING I could say to you "Newbies" is DO THE HEALING WITHIN - the outside success will come....

It's sooo important to get to the 'heart of the matter' of "WHY AM I OBESE??"

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I am 13mos PostOp...I'm still working on this question....

it is an ON GOING process....don't be afraid of that part of your journey.

I tend to think it's the MOST IMPORTANT part....the inner work you do in the 'early months' could make the whole difference in your food struggle for the rest of your life!!!

I'd even go as far to say....this step is THE MOST important step in ANY weight loss program.

One Year SURGIVERSARY Pictures...

2007-04-20T00:04:00.000-07:00

WOW....

It's been ONE year since my Lap RNY....

Amazing.....time flies....

This picture is from our celebratory Surgiversary Dinner....we went to the 2nd Street Cafe - in Park Slope!!

It was soooo chilly when we left the park tonight...so we were bundled up for our long walk home....burr! (17blks home.... we WANT SPRING!)

(CLICK on the photos for larger view...)

JOURNAL: One Year Surgiversary!

2007-04-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

What JOY I feel to be right on target with the Average WLS patient....I was reading the early pages of my blog to find all that my Doctors told me about LapRNY...My doctor said that the average patient loses 77% of the excess weight in the first year. My excess weight was 184#'s - and 77% of that is 143#'s!! Not only am I just "over weight"....I'm "average" to boot - AND I FEEL FABULOUS!!I've had my weight loss come full circle in a weird sort of way...This was an excert from my blog on one of the first days I knew my life & weight HAD to change!___________________________________________
Saturday, August 13, 2005

Wake-Up..."Wake-Up Call...."
I’m ready to go and get the information to get started with weight loss surgery. Today was my daughters 2nd birthday…there are SO many things I currently hold back, or miss out on. Her god-mother was sooo fun with her today at Chuck E. Cheese’s….
In the play arena at Chuck E. Cheese’s they have a huge crawl tube attached to the ceiling….the kiddos climb up these obstacle ladders…and then crawl thru these tubes that maze thru on the ceiling. I would NEVER be able to let her enjoy that…thankfully her godmother is soooo fun and adventurous! It rang home in a pain to my heart how my weight can subtly affect my two-year-old RIGHT NOW!! I don’t like to take her to the park – for fear if she runs too far from me I won’t be able to run after her. No more – I’m calling MONDAY!!!
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I remembered this blog when I was looking thru the pictures we took today on my Surgiversary. My sweet Husband came home from school in the afternoon today....and we first took Isabella to the park together...and then all went out to dinner!When we got home...I saw russ had taken a BUNCH of pictures of Isabella and I playing 'tag/chase' on the jungle gym playground....These pictures are soooo precious to me....they are not very good quality....but I love them!

Another reason that drove me to WLS was I never wanted to take 'Bella to the park when she was little b/c I was afraid if she ran faster than me - that I wouldn't be able to RUN after her - to keep her safe and from danger! Now...I not only could do that - but, I can Run and PLAY!! Praise GOD....my daughter is going to have a Mommy that can play....I love that for her! I love this picture of us playing tag....and then there is more where SHE is chasing ME!! Today was such a wonderful day....and evening with

my family.... PRAISE GOD for this surgery...and all the will power he's given me this year...and the success!

I've lost 143.6#'s in 12 months....

AMAZING..... :::sigh:::

JOURNAL: March 19th - 11 mos. PostOp

2007-03-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

(Click on Photo for a closer look)

I actually like my photos from February better than these! I guess I was holding in my tummy....but this is a good view of my 'tummy nemesis'....I have this annoying pooch! I've only lost 1.2 lbs. - :::sigh::: - although, I do like that you can REALLY see my BONES around my neck! WOW....

Even though this month has been hard... I think I can see a bit of difference in the way my jeans are fitting. I'm wearing a size 14 jean....and many size 14's in other clothes as well. I'm in a XL and some Large Tee's.

The best part of this is buying new clothes for spring...I'm actually having a little bit of trouble trying to decide "WHAT?!" I want my wardrobe to look like?! Hmph!!

I really am reinventing my wardrobe....and what I want to look like from season to season....it's kinda fun - and funny - all in one! Another fun thing - is b/c I've moved from Dallas, Texas (mid-south suburbia) to NYC (north east urban) - it's not only different from the climate standpoint...but also "Mommy Wear" looks different up here!

(Click on Photo for a larger view)

Thanks to Mel for sending me 30 pounds of new clothes....and thanks for taking 20 pounds back! Thanks too to Beka for taking a 21 pound box of Deb's closet!! I hope you two enjoy them....Love you girls...& MISS YOU TONS!!

The EYE BALL: Spring Semi-Formal

2007-03-16T23:48:00.000-07:00

(CLICK on photos for a larger view)

My Hubby is in his first year of Optometry school...one of the perks of being back in school are "School Functions!" I think it's hilarious that a school that studies the eye....has a spring dinner/dance called the EYE BALL!

We had a wonderful evening....I especially loved that I got to dress up and go out on a REAL DATE with my sweet hubby!

We went to a little place in NYC's Little Italy called Sal Anthony's S.P.Q.R. - it was a beautiful place...the appitizers were amazing. But the entree was not the best - but I think that was because they were preparing for a HUGE group of people! I loved it...we had such a nice evening....we DANCED! How fun was that....

This is nearly my 11mos. post op anniversary...this month has been a little hard because I am "officially" on a Stall....I've only lost 1.2#'s this month...I would be lieing if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. I'm trying to keep my spirit up....and still hoping that I will plug thru losing the last 50 or so pounds. But for now...I'm enjoying life...and celebrating feeling beautiful and energetic!

Weight loss surgery and brain decline

2007-03-16T19:48:00.000-07:00

Weight loss surgery, such as gastric bypass surgery, can lead to a vitamin deficiency that can cause memory loss and confusion, inability to coordinate movement, and other problems, according to a study published in the March 13, 2007, issue of Neurology, the scientific journal of the American Academy of Neurology.The syndrome, called Wernicke encephalopathy, affects the brain and nervous system when the body doesn’t get enough vitamin B-1, or thiamine. It can also cause vision problems, such as rapid eye movements.
Weight loss surgery and brain decline
Bariatric and lap band surgeries are getting rather popular.Post surgery, folks consume a very limited amount of calories. Essentially, you’re shrinking your stomach size to that of a two year old. Of course you haven’t shrunk your nutritional needs to that of a two year old.
A study published this week in the Journal of the American Academy of Neurology points out numerous folks are experiencing memory loss and confusion as well as muscle coordination problems and vision problems.
They are tying the symptoms to lack of nutrition for the brain and nervous system – mostly B vitamins.
There have been other reports as well regarding brain functionality after weight loss surgery.
It’s basically mal-nourishment, whether you’re talking about a skin draped over bones person in a third world country, or a post-surgery “fluffy” person. The body still requires nourishment to function and rebuild itself.
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This entry was posted on Fri, 16.Mar.2007 at 9:15 am and is filed under Nutrition, Obesity, Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

CARBOHYDRATES: Nutrition Notes

2007-02-20T16:36:00.000-08:00

By Theresa Stahl, RD, LDN

You may not really think of carbohydrates as brain food, but glucose, a simple form of carbohydrates, provides nearly all the energy your brain uses everyday.

Let's take a look at some carbohydrate basics:

Carbohydrates are composed of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen - carbo meaning "carbon" and hydrate meaning "with water."
Dietary carbohydrates include simple carbohydrates (the sugars) and complex carbohydrates (the starches and fibers).

Simple sugars include:

Monosaccharides - glucose, fructose (fruit sugar) and galactose.
Disaccharides - sucrose (table sugar), lactose (milk sugar), and maltose.

Complex carbohydrates include:

Polysaccharides -which are starches (grains, legumes, tubers such as potatoes)
Fibers -(cellulose, hemicellulose, pectins, gums, lignan, and mucilages such as guar and carageenan). Fibers are not digested by human digestive enzymes and don't provide calories.The main role of carbohydrates in the diet is to supply energy. Carbohydrates are the best source to fuel muscles and promote healthy hearts. Fiber helps lower blood cholesterol, prevents constipation, maintains a healthy digestive tract and provides a feeling of fullness, which is the most immediate benefit that helps prevent overeating.

Tips for choosing carbohydrates:

Choose whole-grains, including whole grain breads, cereals, rice and pasta.
Include five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
Choose 1% or skim milk and low-fat milk products, such as yogurt, cottage cheese and cheeses.
Eat more legumes, such as beans, peas and lentils.
Limit sugars, such as table sugar, corn syrup and honey, which promote cavities and may displace needed nutrients and fiber and contribute to obesity.

JOURNAL: February 19th - 10 mos. PostOp

2007-02-19T17:26:00.000-08:00

This is my 10 month LINE UP....I think I look more like myself in the "center picture"...but since that picture I've dropped 44#'s...and wow...feel a world of difference. I was size 22 there...and now am a 14.

You Can click on the picture for a Larger look....to read the labels.

I still have 47#'s until I am at goal...but now that I'm under 200#'s and in a 'normal size' (14)...I feel very proud of myself...and all my hard work.

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To all those who read my blog...thanks for your emails and encouragement thru this journey...I can't imagine my life without WLS.

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ONDERLAND!!!

2007-01-30T23:48:00.000-08:00

HERE we are....finally in Onederland! (For those of you who are not familiar with the weight loss victory - it means I'm in the 100's!)

My journey started in THREEDOM...and with in a month after surgery crossed over into TWOTERVILLE....now, the journey had been a bit longer...but ONDERLAND is finally here!

I'm only 49#'s from my goal weight...and just about 19#'s from a weight I feel GREAT at. One of my best friends Jill came to NYC this last weekend...and persuaded me to try on her size 14 jeans...(I resisted at first - KNOWING - that they wouldn't fit...) - well....THEY FIT! I am amazed to annouce that I've gone from a size 32 pant to a 14! I feel sooo great!

Here is my weight loss ticker. (it may change as my weight goes down...the code has changed a bit with ticker factory - just so you know - TODAY it says 199.0#'s! HORAAY!)

My New Hair....

2007-01-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

Well....over the last 3 months my hair has been falling out - LIKE CRAZY! WOW...my hair has gotten so thin, that it's become very noticable. I don't think everyone can tell...but Russ has said it's obvious to him. Finally, My friend Hanadi found a great hair picture - and that's why I went for it!

I really love it...it's short...but still 'sassy!'

JOURNAL: January 19th - 9 months PostOp

2007-01-22T00:19:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe this is me....

LOVE the new UGLY BETTY song... "The Beauty in Ugly"

2007-01-13T13:22:00.001-08:00

lyrics - the beauty in ugly ...

To Diet or Not To Diet....

2007-01-05T20:26:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year....why do we say, "Happy New Year"....there are soooo many things that are about to happen - such as the Resolutions that all include -"giving up something!?"

What's sooo HAPPY about that??

So.....here I am faced with the same ol' question..."Am I gonna go on a diet?" "Am I going to start a new exercise regime??"

I thought once I had my Weight-loss surgery...that I'd never have to go thru this yearly ritual...but I find myself back again.

Even though I lost 4#'s over Christmas (which is unheard of!)....I still know what "REALLY HAPPENED!" I know WHAT I ate...WHEN I ate...and HOW I ate! I loved those Lindors Truffles....and, "OH! how I loved them!!"~

So....even though, my body surrendered to my TOOL - my new small stomach pouch - I know that I treated my body badly...and now am retaining massive amounts of water. SO...back to the Question at hand....

"To Diet....or Not To Diet....?????"

ahhhh.....I'm even considering joining CURVES again....

BASICALLY...if I want to get the weight off now...I'm going to have to "crack down"...and work for it...if not...there could be a StandOff!

How Many Calories Do I Need?

2007-01-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

By Sanae Tanaka, M.D.

Many people who have had weight loss surgery wonder how many calories (kcal) they need each day to reach and maintain a healthy weight. If you are not far out post-WLS, your calorie intake will be minimal, and will be below your intake for weight maintenance. In those first few months after surgery, it is critical that you stick to the recommendations from your doctor and dietitian.

However, for reference, the basic recommendation for calories when trying to lose weight (without WLS) is that you take in 500-1000 calories less than your daily caloric requirement, as calculated from your present weight and activity level. The minimum recommended calories while on a diet are 1,000-1,200 kcal/day for women, and 1,200-1,600 kcal/day for men. Most of the popular diets aim for 1,500 kcal/day.

General Physical Requirements

Your basic caloric needs are determined by your weight and how active you are. Your ideal weight range depends on your height, and equates to a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 18.5-24.9 (median 22). But, in addition to your weight, you also have to consider how many calories you burn doing daily activities to determine how many calories you need to take in. Unless you are math savvy, you will need a calculator to figure it out. However, here’s a simple equation that will give you the general range by showing you how many calories you burn daily for each pound you weigh and your level of activity.

Sedentary, seated during most of the day: 11-13.6 kcal/lb/day
Moderate labor, on your feet most of the time: 13.6-16 kcal/lb/day
Heavy labor, competitive or professional athlete: 16+ kcal/lb/day

The upper limit for heavy labor is not set because it is is variable, depending on the amount of activity. For example, an average heavy laborer uses anywhere from 3000 to 4500 kcal/day, depending on stature, while for very competitive professional athletes, it may go up to over 6000 kcal/day.

Another important note: Although they are on their feet much of the day, homemakers generally fall into the “sedentary” category. This is because the muscular distribution of women differs from men, so the expenditure level is lower for women. An inactive homemaker should use the lower end of the scale, and a very active housewife, the higher end. So, unless you are doing some pretty heavy housework daily for hours, go by the sedentary and not the moderate labor figures to calculate your daily caloric needs.

Example Calculation

The examples below are for someone who works at a desk job and is mostly inactive. For each scenario, the total represents the daily caloric requirement to maintain the individual’s current body weight. (Note: This does not mean that you should maintain this body weight, only the amount of calories it takes to stay at that level.)

5′5”, 300lb (BMI 49.9): 300 x 11-13.6 = 3300-4080 kcal.
5′5”, 150lb (BMI 24.96): 150 x 11-13.6 = 1650-2040 kcal.
5′5”, 130lb (BMI 21.5): 130 x 11-13.6 = 1430-1770 kcal.

Distributing the Calories

Of the foods that you eat, carbohydrates, proteins and fat are the major nutrients, called macronutrients, and the source of the calories you burn. The recommended dietary calorie distribution is:

Carbohydrates: 45-60% (No less than 130g because of the brain/central nervous system requirements)
Protein: 10-35% (At least 0.36g/lb/day)
Fat: 20-30%

Calculating the Actual Amount of Each Macronutrient

To calculate how much you can eat in terms of volume of food, you have to convert the calories into grams. (After all, you can’t “weigh” the calories, they are a unit of energy.)

Carbohydrates: 1g = 4 kcal
Protein: 1g = 4 kcal
Fat: 1g = 9 kcal

So, as an example, let’s look at a 1600 calorie diet, with the following distribution:

Carbohydrates 50% = 800 kcal = 200g
Protein 30% = 480 kcal = 120g
Fat 20% = 320 kcal = 35.5g

An important point to note when going food shopping or planning your meal is that there are no “pure” foods that contain nothing but a single nutrient, unless it has been processed and refined, as in refined sugar. Just about every natural food contains multiple nutrients, so you have to choose the food by its major content. For example, rice—which is a major carbohydrate food—contains 77% carbohydrates, but also 6% protein, and 1% fat. With beef, depending on which portion, the counts are around 20% protein, anywhere from 5%-30% fat, and negligible carbohydrates.

Maintenance Mode

First things first, you need to ask your doctor/dietitian what your maintenance intake should be, and what the macronutrient balance should be. If you need to figure out by yourself how many calories you need, the most important point is that daily intake must equal your daily expenditure. If you eat more than you need, your body will stock up the extra. If you eat less than you need, you will keep on losing. Keeping that in mind, you will have a general idea of how much you can eat, and how to balance your food intake when you reach goal. If you make the right choices with your food, you may find that you can eat a fair amount (though not as much as when your weight was at its maximum) while keeping the calories low.

Calculating your daily caloric intake immediately after gastric bypass surgery and for long-term maintenance can seem confusing. But with practice, running the numbers will become second nature, and you will also be more familiar with the calorie count and nutritional values of your favorite foods. Remember to take one day at a time as you learn healthy eating habits post-WLS. May your journey be full of rewards for all your hard work.

My new favorite QUOTE:

2007-01-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

"After the euphoria of rapid weight loss fades, a harsh reality appears: Life is still tough even if you can fit in an airplane seat." ~Kathryn Friedman Sloan

Meeting "TWEETY"....

2006-12-27T20:47:00.000-08:00

One thing I love about my support group...is it seems where ever I am...I am meeting someone new from our support group!

Tweety - Teri, is from Traverse City, MI....very close to my husband's hometown...so when we went to Michigan for Christmas...I set up an opportunity to meet Tweety!!

This is what I wrote on my collage:

"Look who I met in Michigan! What a highlight of our trip to Michigan....to meet Miss Tweety! She is a JOY!!! It was great hearing the details of her journey...and really getting the "nitty gritty"... we often can miss that - when all we do is posting!"

"If you can meet "Face to Face" with others from the boards...I'd say, "just do it!!"

Tweety is down 154#'s....Deb down 120#'s!"

I'm JUST "Obese"....

2006-12-24T23:27:00.000-08:00

I've been fat for soooo long....
So early on in my journey as I've done my personal appraisals I'd be very conscious of what the scale said. So much so that I put a ton on value on those numbers as well as the numbers that hung in the waistbands and necklines of my wardrobe.
Soooo...when "they" whoever "they are" came up with a new way to audit myself....I unconscously conceeded and took upon yet ANOTHER label that says: "Morbidly Obese"

Which brings me to -
Most of you know of my "scale addiction"....and the fact that I weight every other day....if not every day. Well...I haven't really checked the BMI scale lately - until tickerfactory started offering it as an option.
I just saw today....I'm no longer "morbidly obese" - I'm JUST "obese."

JOURNAL: December 20th - "8 Months PostOP"

2006-12-20T21:38:00.000-08:00

(You can click on each image for a Larger view!)

I am amazed how I am feeling....and more amazed how I am looking! I'm so excited that I'm starting to "feel normal"....and this is a huge milestone!

Tonight I went with my hubby for a Holiday party...and felt Pretty....I could've been Maria in Westside Story....dancing and prancing around our small flat....getting ready to see my Love....knowing, he was going to be sooo proud for me to be on his arm! OH, and he was....you should've seen his eyes when I took off my coat....sooo wonderful. Here is our picture:

Top 12 Fat-Fighting Foods

2006-12-06T22:50:00.000-08:00

Tired of that spare tire? Sick of your love handles? You can increase your body's fat-burning power by eating more foods that help your liver (your body's main fat-metabolizing organ) to burn fat better, resulting in a leaner body.

There are many foods that fight fat, but the ones below are my picks as the top twelve:

Oatmeal: This complex carbohydrate (the good kind) is slow to digest and helps to keep blood sugar levels stable while keeping you feeling full. Research also shows that consuming oatmeal reduces a person's cravings for fatty foods - just be sure to eat the unsweetened kind.
Leafy Greens: Spinach, spring mix, mustard greens, and other dark leafy greens are good sources of fibre and powerhouses of nutrition. Research demonstrates that their high concentration of vitamins and antioxidants helps prevent hunger while protecting you from heart disease, cancer, cataracts, and memory loss.
Olives and Olive Oil: Being rich in healthy fats, olives and olive oil help to reduce cravings for junky foods and keep you feeling full. Research shows that monounsaturated fats that are plentiful in these foods also help reduce high blood pressure.
Beans and Legumes: Legumes are the best source of fibre of any foods. They help to stabilize blood sugar while keeping you regular. Soy is particularly good at speeding the breakdown of stored fat.
Garlic: This is one of the "dynamic duo" of foods contains phytochemicals that break down fatty deposits in the body, while also breaking down cholesterol; killing viruses, bacteria, and fungi; and protecting against heart disease. With a little help from garlic and onions, you can burn fat while warding off illness.
Onions: This is the other of the "dynamic duo" of foods contains phytochemicals that break down fatty deposits in the body, while also breaking down cholesterol; killing viruses, bacteria, and fungi; and protecting against heart disease. With a little help from garlic and onions, you can burn fat while warding off illness.
Tomatoes: Packed with vitamin C and the phytochemical lycopene, tomatoes stimulate the production of the amino acid known as carnitine. Research has shown that carnitine helps speed the body's fat-burning capacity by one-third.
Nuts: Raw, unsalted nuts provide your body with essential fatty acids that help burn fat. Their high nutrient content also lowers the risk of heart attack by 60 percent.
Cayenne: This hot spice lessens the risk of excess insulin in the body by speeding metabolism and lowering blood sugar levels before the excess insulin can result in fat storage.
Turmeric: Turmeric contains the highest known source of beta carotene, the antioxidant that helps protect the liver from free radical damage. It also helps your liver heal while helping your body metabolize fats by decreasing the fat storage rate in liver cells.
Cinnamon: Researchers at the United States Department of Agriculture showed that a quarter to one teaspoon of cinnamon with food helps metabolize sugar up to twenty times better than food not eaten with cinnamon. Excess sugar in the blood can lead to fat storage.
Flax Seeds and Flax Seed Oil: These seeds and oil attract oil-soluble toxins that become lodged in the fatty tissues of the body. Once attracted, they help to escort fat-soluble toxins out. That spells fewer fat stores and a trimmer you.

Very very interesting...what are you eating??

POUCH RULES: Something for my personal reference

2006-12-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

INTRODUCTION: A common misunderstanding of gastric bypass surgery is thatthe pouch causes weight loss because it is so small, the patient eats less.Although that is true for the first six months, that is not how it works.Some doctors have assumed that poor weight loss in some patients is becausethey aren't really trying to lose weight. The truth is it may be because theyhaven't learned how to get the "satisfied" feeling of being full to lastlong enough.

HYPOTHESIS OF POUCH FUNCTION: We have four educated guesses as to how the pouch works:

Weight loss occurs by actually "slightly stretching" the pouch with foodat each meal or;
Weight loss occurs by keeping the pouch tiny through never everoverstuffing or;
Weight loss occurs until the pouch gets worn out and regular eatingbegins or;
Weight loss occurs with education on the use of the pouch.

PUBLISHED DATA: How does the pouch make you feel full?The nerves tell the brain the pouch is distended and that cuts off hungerwith a feeling of fullness.What is the fate of the pouch? Does it enlarge? If it does, is it becausethe operation was bad, or the patient is overstuffing themselves, or does thepouch actually re-grow in a healing attempt to get back to normal?For ten years, I had patients eat until full with cottage cheese every threemonths, and report the amount of cottage cheese they were able to eat beforefeeling full. This gave me an idea of the size of their pouch at three monthintervals. I found there was a regular growth in the amount of intake ofevery single pouch. The average date the pouch stopped growing was twoyears. After the second year, all pouches stopped growing. Most pouches ended at 6oz., with some as large at 9-10 ozs.We then compared the weight loss of people with the known pouch size of eachperson, to see if the pouch size made a difference. In comparing the largepouches to the small pouches,

THERE WAS NO DIFFERENCE IN PERCENTAGE OFWEIGHT LOSS AMONG THE PATIENTS. This important fact essentially shows that it isNOT the size of the pouch but how it is used that makes weight loss maintenancepossible.

OBSERVATIONAL BASED MEDICINE:The information here is taken from surgeon's "observations" as opposed to"blind" or "double blind" studies, but it IS based on 33 years of physicianobservation.Due to lack of insurance coverage for WLS, what originally seemed like aserious lack of patients to observe, turned into an advantage as I was ableto follow my patients closely. The following are what I found to effect howthe pouch works:

Getting a sense of fullness is the basis of successful WLS.
Success requires that a small pouch is created with a small outlet.
Regular meals larger than 1 ½ cups will result in eventual weight gain.
Using the thick, hard to stretch part of the stomach in making the pouchis important.
By lightly stretching the pouch with each meal, the pouch send signals tothe brain that you need no more food.
Maintaining that feeling of fullness requires keeping the pouch stretchedfor a while.
Almost all patients always feel full 24/7 for the first months, then thatfeeling disappears.
Incredible hunger will develop if there is no food or drink for eighthours.
After 1 year, heavier food makes the feeling of fullness last longer.
By drinking water as much as possible as fast as possible ("waterloading"), the patient will get a feeling of fullness that lasts 15-25minutes.
By eating "soft foods" patients will get hungry too soon and be hungrybefore their next meal, which can cause snacking, thus poor weight loss orweight gain.
The patients that follow "the rules of the pouch" lose their extraweight and keep it off.
The patients that lose too much weight can maintain their weight bydoingthe reverse of the "rules of the pouch."

HOW DO WE INTERPRET THESE OBSERVATIONS?

POUCH SIZE:By following the "rules of the pouch," it doesn't matter what size the pouchends up. The feeling of fullness with 1 ½ cups of food can be achieved.

OUTLET SIZE: Regardless of the outlet size, liquidity foods empty faster than solid foods.High calorie liquids will create weight gain.

EARLY PROFOUND SATIETY: Before six months, patients much sip water constantly to get in enough watereach day, which causes them to always feel full.After six months, about 2/3 of the pouch has grown larger due to the naturalhealing process. At this time, the patient can drink 1 cup of water at a time.

OPTIMUM MATURE POUCH: The pouch works best when the outlet is not too small or too large and thepouch itself holds about 1 ½ cups at a time.

IDEAL MEAL PROCESS (rules of the pouch):

The patient must time meals five hours apart or the patient will get toohungry in between.
The patient needs to eat finely cut meat and raw or slightly cookedveggies with each meal.
The patient must eat the entire meal in 5-15 minutes. A 30-45 minute mealwill cause failure.
No liquids for 1 ½ hours to 2 hours after each meal.
After 1 ½ to 2 hours, begin sipping water and over the next three hoursslowly increase water intake.
3 hours after last meal, begin drinking LOTS of water/fluids.
15 minutes before the next meal, drink as much as possible as fast aspossible. This is called "water loading," IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING OVERTHE LAST FEW HOURS, THIS 'WATER LOADING' WILL NOT WORK.
You can water load at any time 2-3 hours before your next meal if you get hungry, which will cause a strong feeling of fullness.

THE MANAGEMENT OF PATIENT TEACHING AND TRAINING: You must provide information to the patient preoperatively regarding thefact that the pouch is only a tool: a tool is something that is used to perform atask but is useless if left on a shelf unused. Practice working with a toolmakes the tool more effective.

NECESSITY FOR LONG TERM FOLLOW-UP: Trying to practice the "rules of the pouch" before six to 12 months is awaste. Learning how to delay hunger if the patient is never hungry justdoesn't work. The real work of learning the "rules of the pouch" beginsafter healing has caused hunger to return.

PREVENTION OF VOMITING: Vomiting should be prevented as much as possible. Right after surgery, thepatient should sip out of 1 oz cups and only 1/3 of that cup at a time untilthe patient learns the size of his/her pouch to avoid being sick.It is extremely difficult to learn to deal with a small pouch. For the first6 months, the patient's mouth will literally be bigger than his/her stomach,which does not exist in any living animal on earth.In the first six weeks the patient should slowly transfer from a liquid dietto a blenderized or soft food diet only, to reduce the chance of vomiting.Vomiting will occur only after eating of solid foods begins. Rice, pasta,granola, etc., will swell in time and overload the pouch, which will causevomiting. If the patient is having trouble with vomiting, he/she needs toget 1 oz cups and literally eat 1 oz of food at a time and wait a few minutesbefore eating another 1 oz of food. Stop when "comfortably satisfied," untilthe patient learns the size of his/her pouch.

SIX WEEKS: After six weeks, the patient can move from soft foods to heavy solids. Atthis time, they should use three or more different types of foods at eachsitting. Each bite should be no larger than the size of a pinkie fingernailbed. The patient should choose a different food with each bite to preventthe same solids from lumping together. No liquids 15 minutes before or 1 ½ hoursafter meals.

REASSURANCE OF ADEQUATE NUTRITION: By taking vitamins everyday, the patient has no reason to worry aboutgetting enough nutrition. Focus should be on proteins and vegetables at each meal.

MEAL SKIPPING: Regardless of lack of hunger, patient should eat three meals a day. In thebeginning, one half or more of each meal should be protein, until thepatient can eat at least two oz of protein at each meal.

ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS: In our study, we noticed some patients had intense hunger cravings whichstopped when they eliminated artificial sweeteners from their diets.

AVOIDING ABSOLUTES: Rules are made to be broken. No biggie if the patient drinks with one meal -as long as the patient knows he/she is breaking a rule and will get hungryearly. Also if the patient pigs out at a party - that's OK because beforesurgery, the patient would have pigged on 3000 to 5000 calories and with thepouch, the patient can only pig on 600-1000 calories max. The patient needs to just get back to the rules and not beat him/herself up.

THREE MONTHS: At three months, the patient needs to become aware of thecalories per gram of different foods to be aware of "the cost" of each gram.(cheddar cheese is 16 cal/gram; peanut butter is 24 cals/gram). As soon ashunger returns between three to six months, begin water loading procedures.

THREE PRINCIPLES FOR GAINING AND MAINTAINING SATIETY:

Fill pouch full quickly at each meal
Stay full by slowing the emptying of the pouch. (Eat solids. No liquids15minutes before and none until 1 ½ hours after the meal). A scientific testshowed that a meal of egg/toast/milk had almost all emptied out of the pouchafter 45 minutes. Without milk, just egg and toast, more than ½ of the mealstill remained in the pouch after 1 ½ hours.
Protein, protein, protein. Three meals a day. No high calorie liquids.

FLUID LOADING: Fluid loading is drinking water/liquids as quickly as possible to fill thepouch which provides the feeling of fullness for about 15 to 25 minutes. The patient needs to gulp about 80% of his/her maximum amount of liquid in 15 to30 SECONDS. Then just take swallows until fullness is reached. The patientwill quickly learn his/her maximum tolerance, which is usually between 8-12oz.Fluid loading works because the roux limb of the intestine swells up,contracting and backing up any future food to come into the pouch. The pouch is very sensitive to this and the feeling of fullness will last much longerthan the reality of how long the pouch was actually full. Fluid load before each meal to prevent thirst after the meal as well as to create that feeling of fullness whenever suddenly hungry before meal time.

POST PRANDIAL THIRST: It is important that the patient be filled with water before his/her nextmeal as the meal will come with salt and will cause thirst afterwards. Beingtoo thirsty, just like being too hungry will make a patient nauseous. Whilethe pouch is still real small, it won't make sense to the patient to do thisbecause salt intake will be low, but it is a good habit to get into becauseit will make all the difference once the pouch begins to regrow.

URGENCY: The first six months is the fastest, easiest time to lose weight. By the endof the six months, 2/3 of the regrowth of the pouch will have been done.That means that each present day, after surgery you will be satisfied with lesscalories than you will the very next day. Another way to put it is thatevery day that you are healing, you will be able to eat more. So exercise as muchas you can during that first six months as you will never be able to loseweight as fast as you can during this time.

SIX MONTHS: Around this time, our patients begin to get hungry between meals. THEY NEEDTO BATTLE THE EXTRA SALT INTAKE WITH DRINKING LOTS OF FLUIDS IN THE TWO TO THREE HOURS BEFORE THEIR NEXT MEAL. Their pouch needs to be well watered before they do the last gulping of water as fast as possible to fill the pouch 15 minutes before they eat.

INTAKE INFORMATION SHEET AS A TEACHING TOOL: I have found that having the patients fill out a quiz every time they visitreminds them of the rules of the pouch and helps to get them "back ontrack." Most patients have no problems with the rules, some patients reallystruggle to follow them and need a lot of support to "get it", and a smallpercentage never quite understand these rules, even though they are quite intelligent people.

HONEYMOON SYNDROME: The lack of hunger and quick weight loss patients have in the first sixmonths sometimes leads them to think they don't need to exercise as much andcan eat treats and extra calories as they still lose weight anyway. We callthis the "honeymoon syndrome" and they need to be counseled that this is theonly time they will lose this much weight this fast and this easy and not towaste it by losing less than they actually could. If the patient's weightloss slows in the first six months, remind them of the rules of water intakeand encourage them to increase their exercise and drink more water. You cancompare their weight loss to a graph showing the average drop of weight ifit will help them to get back on track.

EXERCISE: In addition to exercise helping to increase the weight loss, it is importantfor the patient to understand that exercise is a natural antidepressant andwill help them from falling into a depression cycle. In addition, exercisejacks up their metabolic rate during a time when their metabolism after theshock of surgery tends to want to slow down.

THE IDEAL MEAL FOR WEIGHT LOSS: The ideal meal is one that is made up of the following: ½ of your meal to below fat protein, ¼ of your meal low starch vegetables and ¼ of your mealsolid fruits. This type of meal will stay in your pouch a long time and is good for your health.

VOLUME VS. CALORIES: The gastric bypass patient needs to be aware of the length of time it takesto digest different foods and to focus on those that take up the most spaceand take time to digest so as to stay in the pouch the longest, don't worryabout calories. This is the easiest way to "count your calories." Forexample, a regular stomach person could gag down two whole sticks of butterat one sitting and be starved all day long, although they more than haveenough calories for the day. But you take the same amount of calories invegetables, and that same person simply would not be able to eat that muchfood at three sittings - it would stuff them way too much.

ISSUES FOR LONG TERM WEIGHT MAINTENANCE: Although everything stated in this report deals with the first year aftersurgery, it should be a lifestyle that will benefit the gastric bypasspatient for years to come, and help keep the extra weight off.

COUNTER-INTUITIVENESS OF FLUID MANAGEMENT: I admit that avoiding fluids at meal time and then pushing hard to drinkfluids between meals is against everything normal in nature and not anatural thing to be doing. Regardless of that fact, it is the best way to stay fullthe longest between meals and not accidentally create a "soup" in thestomach that is easily digested.

SUPPORT GROUPS: It is natural for quite a few people to use the rules of the pouch and thento tire of it and stop going by the rules. Others "get it" and adhere to therules as a way of life to avoid ever regaining extra weight. Having a support group makes all the difference to help those that go astray to be reminded of the importance of the rules ofthe pouch and to get back on track and keep that extra weight off. Support groups create a "peer pressure" to stick to the rules that the staff at the physician's office simply can'tcreate.

TEETER TOTTER EFFECT: Think of a teeter totter suspended in mid air in front of you. Now on theleft end is exercise that you do and the right end is the foods that youeat. The more exercise you do on the left, the less you need to worry about the amount of foods you eat on the right. In exact reverse, the more you worry about the foods you eat and keep it healthyon the right, the less exercise you need on the left. Now if you don'tconcern yourself with either side, the higher the teeter totter goes, whichis your weight. The more you focus on one side or the other, or even bothsides of the teeter totter, the lower it goes, and the less you weigh.

TOO MUCH WEIGHT LOSS: I have found that about 15% of the patients which exercise well and had between 100 to 150 lbs to lose, begin to lose way too much weight. I encourage them to keep up the exercise (which is great for their health) and to essentially "break the rules" of the pouch. Drink with meals so they caneat snacks between without feeling full and increase their fat content aswell take a longer time to eat at meals, thus taking in more calories. Asmall but significant amount of gastric bypass patients actually gounderweight because they have experienced (as all of our patients haveexperienced) the ravenous hunger after being on a diet with an out ofcontrol appetite once the diet is broken. They are afraid of eating again. Theydon't "get" that this situation is literally, physically different and that theycan control their appetite this time by using the rules of the pouch toeliminate hunger.

BARIATRIC MEDICINE: A much more common problem is patients who after a year or two plateau at alevel above their goal weight and don't lose as much weight as they want. Becareful that they are not given the "regular" advice given to any averageoverweight individual. Several small meals or skipping a meal with a liquidprotein substitute is not the way to go for gastric bypass patients. Theymust follow the rules, fill themselves quickly with hard to digest foods,water load between, increase their exercise and the weight should come offmuch easier than with regular people diets.

SUMMARY:

The patient needs to understand how the new pouch physically works.
The patient needs to be able to evaluate their use of the tool, compareitto the ideal and see where they need to make changes.
Instruct your patient in all ways (through their eyes with visual aids,ears with lectures and emotions with stories and feelings) not only on howbut why they need to learn to use their pouch. The goal is for the patientto become an expert on how to use the pouch.

EVALUATION FOR WEIGHT LOSS FAILURE: The first thing that needs to be ruled out in patients who regain their weight is how the pouch is set up.

The staple line needs to be intact;
Same with the outlet and;
The pouch is reasonably small.

Use thick barium to confirm the staple line is intact. If it isn't, thenthe food will go into the large stomach, from there into the intestines andthe patient will be hungry all the time. Check for a little ulcer at thestaple line. A tiny ulcer may occur with no real opening at the line, whichcan be dealt with as you would any ulcer. Sometimes, though, the ulcer isthere because of a break in the staple line. This will cause pain for thepatient after the patient has eaten because the food rubs the little opening of the ulcer. If there is a tiny opening at the staple line, then are operation must be done to actually separate the pouch and the stomachcompletely and seal each shut.
If the outlet is smaller than 7-8 mill, the patient will have problemseating solid foods and will little by little begin eating onlyeasy-to-digestfoods, which we call "soft calorie syndrome." Thiscauses frequent hunger and grazing, which leads to weight regain.
To assess pouch volume, an upper GI doesn't work as it is a liquid. Thecottage cheese test is useful - eating as much cottage cheese as possible infive to 15 minutes to find out how much food the pouch will hold. Itshouldn't be able to hold more than 1 ½ cups in 5 - 15 minutes of quickeating.

If everything is intact then there are four problems that it may be:

The patient has never been taught the rules;
The patient is depressed;
The patient has a loss of peer support and eventual forgetting of rules,or
The patient simply refuses to follow the rules.

LACK OF TEACHING: An excellent example is a female patient who is 62 years old. She had theoperation when she was 47 years old. She had a total regain of her weight.She stated that she had not seen her surgeon after the six week follow up 15years ago. She never knew of the rules of the pouch. She had initially lost50 lbs and then with a commercial weight program lost another 40 lbs. Afterthat, she yo-yoed up and down, each time gaining a little more back. Shethen developed a disease (with no connection to bariatric surgery) which weakenedher muscles, at which time she gained all of her weight back. At the timeshe came to me, she was treated for her disease, which helped her to beginwalking one mile per day. I checked her pouch with barium and the cottagecheese test which showed the pouch to be a small size and that there was noleakage. She was then given the rules of the pouch. She has begun animpressive and continuing weight loss, and is not focused on food as shewas, and feeling the best she has felt since the first months after her operation15 years ago.
DEPRESSION: Depression is a strong force for stopping weight loss or causing weightgain.A small number of patients, who do well at the beginning, disappear for awhile only to return having gained a lot ofweight. It seems that they almost on purpose do exactly opposite ofeverything they have learned about their pouch: they graze during the day,drink high calorie beverages, drink with meals and stop exercising, eventhough they know exercise helps stop depression. A 46 year-old woman, oneyear out of her surgery had been doing fine when her life was turned upsidedown with divorce and severe teenager behavior problems. Her weightskyrocketed. Once she got her depression under control and began refocusingon the rules of the pouch, added a little exercise, the weight came offquickly. If your patient begins weight gain due to depression, get him/herinto counseling quickly. Encourage your patient to refocus on the pouchrules and try to add a little exercise every day. Reassure your patient thathe/she did not ruin the pouch, that it is still there, waiting to be used to helpwith weight control. When they are ready the pouch can be used once again tolose weight without being hungry.
EROSION OF THE USE OF PRINCIPLES: ome patients who are compliant, who are not depressed and have intactpouches, will begin to gain weight. These patients are struggling with theirweight, have usually stopped connecting with their support groups, and havebegun living their "new" life surrounded by those who have not had Bariatricsurgery. Everything around them encourages them to live life "normal" liketheir new peers: they begin taking little sips with their meals, and eatingquick and easy-to-eat foods. The patient will not usually call theirphysician's office because they KNOW what they are doing is wrong and KNOWthat they just need to get back on track. Even if you offer "refreshercourses" for your patients on a yearly basis, they may not attend becausethey KNOW what the course is going to say, they know the rules and how theyare breaking them. You need to identify these patients and somehow get themback into your office or back to interacting with their support group again.Once these patients return to their support group, and keep in contact withtheir WLS peers, it makes it much easier to return to the rules of the pouchand get their weight under control once again.
TRUE NONCOMPLIANCE: The most difficult problem is a patient who is truly noncompliant. Thispatient usually leaves your care, complains that there is no 'connection'between your staff and themselves and that they were not given the time andattention they needed. Most of the time, it is depression underlying thenoncompliance that causes this attitude. A truly noncompliant patient willusually end up with revisions and/or reversal of the surgery due to weightgain or complications. This patient is usually quite resistant tocounseling. There is not a whole lot that can be done for these patients as they willfind a reason to be unhappy with their situation. It is easier to identifythese patients BEFORE surgery than to help them afterwards, although Ireally haven't figured out how to do that yet. Besides having a psychological examdone before surgery, there is no real way to find them before surgery and Iusually tend toward the side of offering patients the surgery with educationin hopes they can live a good and healthy life.

JOURNAL: November 24th - "7 mos. PostOp"

2006-11-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

(click on the pictures for larger view)

Wow...it's hard to believe sometimes that it's been 7mos.....and then again, that time is so short, for the amount of weight I've lost. My new total is 111#'s....I'm loosing at a considerably slower rate now...which is good/bad.
Good, b/c I'm loosing at a normal rate....BAD, b/c I'm used to the pounds just dropping off...and now I have to work for it...and be patient for the results.

I'm glad it was fast at first b/c I just KNOW me....if it wouldn't have worked this way - I would've given up like so many other times I tried to loose weight! It never was successful. This has been a transition...I'm not gonna say "hard" - b/c that is a story to make this choice a little more dramatic. It is what it is...and I'm glad for my choice to have weight loss surgery.

Boy, do I feel amazing! Now if the last 72#'s could come off easy... but, something tells me it won't be that easy... I'm gonna have to work at it - the mere "mortal way!" LOL.

JOURNAL: November 10th - "My New Jeans..."

2006-11-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

SO...ABOUT MY NEW JEANS:

I've been griping about my size 20 jeans I bought at Walmart...they've been sagging and loose. (plus they are sooo "suburban mommy jeans" - not trendy or cool) Anyway...I've been on a search for jeans...and the other day, my girlfriend - Steph, and I went to Macy's. I've had NO success finding jeans in the "big girl section" of other trendy stores like Urban Outfitters, Gap, or Old Navy (all have max 16)....even Conway or Strawberry- my 2 new fav trendy stores....both have my size but b/c I have really big legs - NO LUCK!!

My butt may be smaller...but WOW, chunky legs from about the knee up so it's hard!!

So....last week I was watching a show called "What not to Wear" (love this show!) and saw a larger girl going for a style make-over...and they went to a dept. store for cool jeans. SO...this is why I went to Macy's. I bought 3 pair's of jean....2 size 20's (fit is soooo different than my other 20's b/c of the 'straight leg - boot cut'...) the 3rd pr. is a repeat in 18W of the blue jeans b/c I love them...and want them for later!!! I'm pretty pleased even though they are 20's! I just feel cooler...anyway...here's a pic of me...and my new fun sweater hoodie, and fun urban sketchers!

(click on the picture for a larger view....)

"DEEP SCHTUFF" about me....

2006-11-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

Thru my "Journey"....I've dealt with a bunch of 'eating disorder' issues and why I had a severe eating disorder at 12yrs.
My issues were not surrounding abuse... but, were some issues of 'abandonment.'

Growing as a little girl...I must've been such a "DADDY'S GIRL"....b/c at around 5 my dad was sent on a LONG TDY and had to leave. The story surrounding me packing all my most precious treasure...and getting ready to go with him was sooo sad and sweet. I wanted to go...and be with him I didn't understand it was 'his job' - he was gone 1yr.- one visit home.)

Then...at age 12 he left again...(this time divorcing my mom and moving to Colorado -we lived in TX)

When he left the first time....I was hurt deeply...
a funny story:
During this time...my mom had these incredibly sharp tiny manicure scissors...she wouldn't let me play with them...I snuck and found them and played with them in her closet. The only thing to cut in there was clothing so I proceeded to cut 'teeny tiny holes' in my mother's clothing...skipping over my 'favorite dress' of hers...and stopping at my daddy's clothes.She was baffled at how the holes go there...and there were sooo many in different places.....and one day was talking to her best friend about it.I was listening in...and suggested that maybe it was a "little mouse." Shortly after that...I found myself in a child psychologist's office!
(That's about the end of the 'funny'...except as an adult...I joke about that is where the first love of FASHION, FABRIC & SCISSORS came from...that's why I'm a fashion designer! LOL)

The setup was simple when I went to the shrink....I would go in first...playing some games with him...and we'd talk. Then Mom would go in and "talk about me" - I've always hated this...when she talks about me. But at that young age...I'd sit in the 'waiting room' and read or play games - or....THAT is what I was SUPPOSED to be doing. In actuality I'd be "mowing" down on the sugar cubes in his coffee service!!! THIS is my first remembrance of a unhealthy eating habit!!WOW...age 5!!! Over the years my eating became a HUGE emotional security blanket....and got bigger and more messed up.
SO....I carried all these "yuck feelings" and behaviors into my relationships & into the most important with my DH. Last summer ('05), I started thru an educational program that changed my life...I MEAN REALLY changed my life!! ~ It was called the LANDMARK Education. (It is a secular program...but God made this ROCK CRY OUT in my life and breathe HIS TRUTH into my life in a HUGE way!!!) The program was the catalyst for me having WLS. It was awesome b/c Russ and I did the whole series...and it ended a month b/f my WLS....anyway.

While there are 3 parts to this educational series... during the first part I realized that I was pretending to be "OK" with my weight....when really I wasn't...and when I came to the realization that I'd "shut up" anyone who had anything to say to me on the subject of my weight/food/dieting...(esp. Russ) I was grieved.
The ugly truth: I was a 'shutter upper'- my Ms. Jeckel would come up if you had anything to say to me on this subject...if I brought it up, you were to sit quietly and nod in agreement with my revelation or what I wanted to do. Otherwise - the evil biatch would rear her UGLY HEAD!!! The sad part...was I also realized it was not only on the subject of FOOD...it touched aspects of me being TIDDY...and MONEY issues.
The harsh reality was the longer there were "taboo subjects" within my marriage with Russ...I'd eventually snuff out the spark in his eye for me...and I'd loose my prince!
This is when... thru the "landmark process" & different tools I learned to use..... how I got my purpose to be "loving and authentic"....and to "give voice to others" - ESPECIALLY RUSS!

There are NO longer ANY taboo subjects. It took us a year going thru...and practicing the techniques..as well as recalling painful memories...and having TONS of clearing up of OLD unhealthy lies - replacing them with TRUTHS. Which brings me back to my funny/not so funny story...Since this memory was recalled I've healed a lot of those old memories...I realized at that young age I started believing "lies" about my life way back then - like - "I am ON MY OWN"....or "My Daddy doesn't love me" (-b/c if he did, he wouldn't leave me...or leave me with 'her'....and that is when my Mom became my enemy.)WOW...once I unraveled the lies and replaced them with TRUTH...and forgave my Daddy...myself for judging GOD...my Mommy....and just the 'unexplainable things that children don't have the capacity to understand'.
THEN, an only then, was I gaining some inner peace...and some healing on my 'food issues.' as well as start a NEW healthy relationship with my Mom...Dad...God....and FOOD.

JOURNAL: October 24th - "My Old Self..."

2006-10-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

At this point...I'm starting to feel more and more like my "old self"....I am now at my wedding weight. And LOVE that.....

That was such a Huge accomplishment...it's no longer embarassing to take pictures....and I don't mind someone snapping a picture on the spur of the moment.

This picture is taken for my current resume/card....for freelance work. The adventures are never ending...I'm starting to do a little 'styling'....and hoping that this may be a fun freelance avenue for the time being. (At least to build up a working portfolio. Need a stylist??) ~D

JOURNAL: October 21st - "meeting with my buddy"

2006-10-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today I met with my sweet WLS support buddy!! On more than this occasion has she made me laugh...and have I enjoyed being with her. This day we had hoped that more of the RR WLS support group would join us in Manhatten for a day of fun and visiting...but it just worked out that it was just Janae & Me. (and our children of corse!)
After going to Sephora for a DIOR makeover...we walked up 7th to Central Park so the kiddos could run and play....and Janae and I hoped that we'd get to see the changing leaves. Janae had never been to Central Park...(she lives in Jersey now)...and she had fun snapping pictures of the fun Central park bridges. This picture is sooo fun, b/c when she sent this to me - I had an "AH HA!" moment....WOW, I almost look like a normal person from the back!!! I don't know why this is such a WONDERFUL pictures....the gorgeous bridge...with our kids running toward it....or my amazingly small "behind!" LOL.

This was truely a wonderful day....THANKS JANAE....not only for meeting me in the city...but taking this picture so I could have this fun chuckle....Love ya girl!! The next picture is us in front of the Central Park skating rink....oooooh, were we cold! Oh...we are the Pink clan....I didn't know that I'd like PINK soooo much. - thanks for that too, J'nae!!!~

JOURNAL: October 19th - "Surprise from my wonderful Hubby...."

2006-10-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

(click on Photo to see larger!!)

First...a wonderful Card.....here is what it says:

"CONGRATULATIONS...."Pride comes not from the goals you acheive but from the way you pursue them."inside: On this special day, many people are sharing in the pride you feel, hoping that the acheivement you celebrate will open the door to a future filled with hapiness & success. ~ Happy 6 month Post-Op day! Love, Husband xxxO~"

The note he wrote shows you all what an amazingly wonderful man I'm married to!! Of course...most of you already know that....

"My Sweetheart, Congratulations!!! Today is your 6mo. post op! You've lost over 100 lbs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Way to go! That's an amazing acheivement!I'm so proud of you baby...you were so (& continue to be) brave...and your attitude has been outstanding! I can't recall of a single moment where you complained - even during "the foamies!" Not even when you needed to make a quick detour off 7th avenue a couple of times when we were apartment hunting. I'm also so proud of you for encouraging & inspiring others along your journey. I've so enjoyed watching you revel in the "little" victories -- "I can cross my legs!" -- "I walked 20+ blocks today!" -- "I can wear so & so outfit again!" Keep up the excellent work my love! You're scoring a "10" & deserve an "A+"!!

So....then....he gives me a 1/2 DOZEN Red Roses!!! "There is one for every month of your journey!"Here is the picture of my fun!!! My Husband is sooo sooo wonderful!!! Could never have done this without him!!

JOURNAL: October 12th - "External & Internal"

2006-10-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

(CLICK ON PHOTO...for a closer look....

trust me it's worth it, I worked hard to try to keep those pants UP!! LOL.)

ONE SIDE OF WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY: The external..... I wanted to take this picture at 100# lost....this is the same outfit I wore to the hospital the day of my surgery. If you look at me from the front view I still look as wide as I was at 333....but, the side view is where I lost the 100#!! Especially in my bootie!! Wow...Russ and I have had a fun laugh or two!! One of my WLS buddies said it looks like my bootie shifted to my boobies!! I love celebrating each milestone...it's the amazing part of this process....but, also part of the excitement.

THERE IS ANOTHER SIDE: The internal...there are still the same thoughts. Even though my insides were rearranged, and a tool was created that is benefits my weightloss....my brain did not change. I am triggered by the same things...

Late Night TV watching
Emotional or stressful times
Boredom
The presence of Sweets!
Grocery shopping (although, I try to only stock the house with healthy food!)

The great part is being careful of what foods I supply our home with. The fear of dumping (even though I'm pretty sure I don't have dumping syndrome) And trying to be very very conscious of my tool" - my new stomach.

BEFORE WLS.... I ALWAYS HATED.... dieting.... when I wasn't on a diet I was eating the wrong foods. Usually overeating and/or choosing the wrong foods.... obsessing over food. THEN, when I was on a diet... I was still thinking about food constantly - but usually about eating the "right" foods. Constantly planning menues or meals... thinking.... journalling... counting points... measuring foods...AHHH! OBSESSING!! I couldn't seem to get away from my nemisis.

AFTER WLS...I still think about food constantly - but now, I think of it not as my enemy but as part of the tool. One tool will not work without the other. I'm still working on my brain...and how I think. THIS is the MOST important aspect of the weightloss surgery. If I don't do my part working thru the internal inventory...It won't work.

"Will I still get thin?"

Yes, but....I will still have the internal war...and never live the ALL AROUND healthy life that God intends for me. It doesn't have to be one or the other. As a FAT PERSON...I came to some breakthrus about myself and my life. Some of which contributed to my having the weighloss surgery. And now, those breakthrus can travel with me and generate new breakthrus....to where I will be able to live without this struggle. It's a process.... I'm committed.

This is my new life - I committed to go thru this WLS in 3D....seeing all sides and dimensions. I no longer want to live a 2D life.

JOURNAL: October 3rd "updated face comparison"...

2006-10-03T16:52:00.000-07:00

(click on the picture for a larger view)

I just thought I'd commemorate my 100# loss.... I know the facial comparison is dramatic...Russ keeps telling me he can't believe that I've changed sooo much. I see the difference too...I just think I look so "swollen" in my before shot!! Not to mention - what was I thinking with that BLONDE HAIR?? I'm looking at myself in the mirror...and just thinkin, "where you been girl?" It's been a long time since I've seen this "Deborah"....actually since my honeymoon! I still have quite a bit to loose...but, I'm likeing myself now. I'm looking forward to the continueing weight loss...

"Beauty Shop" & "Hair Loss"

2006-10-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Ok....so, we played "Beauty Shop" at my house last night...and my hubby was such a 'sport'....he did a great job...and after a quick demonstration as I showed him how to put the color in as I applied all I could reach on the top and thru the front sides.....Then he went to town!!! He did a great job.....I've only tried to color my own hair one other time....and it was a disaster!! So, I was pretty nervous....even picking a color was nerve racking!! I did the best I could with the synthetic hair swatches...but, overall...I think it looks pretty close to my old color. It freaked me out a little when I saw it....the highlights were almost the color of our walls!!!But....now it's "growing on me!!" LOL......If you don't like it...don't tell me....I'm still too new in the process...and it is our 'first try!" LOL..... When I need a touch up....if I go for the same color....then if you don't like it you can let me know!! LOL.....
JUST A WARNING:I know no one wants to see my ol' hair balls....but, when I was inquiring with everyone else....how much hair they were losing.... I never knew what some may consider a lot.... or just a little.... etc.So.... last night while coloring my hair - Hubby and I noticed the large quantities of hair coming out! A little thru the process I told my hubby, "Lets save it.... " I wanted to take a picture.... of course to post it!!!If you are curious about hair loss.... (remember, everyone is different) and you wonder what I consider "a Lot" to be.... here it is!!!

JOURNAL: September 27th "Walking..."

2006-09-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

Today was interesting.....
I'm selling all sorts of "things" on eBay and now that we are here in NYC...and you can't just jump in the car and take a quick trip to the postoffice...you have to "HOOF IT!"

The other thing that isn't easy...is when you have the amount of things that had to be mailed-whew! Anyway, I got my 'super duper' shopping cart....(everytime I look get this thing out I think of one of my best friends - "Dr. Jill"- and the first time she took me to "First Monday" in Canton, TX!! ohhhh, do I miss ya Jill...)

So... I got my "Dr. Jill super duper cart" & loaded it up with all the supplies to wrap up the dishes I sold.... bubble wrap... boxes... dishes... and air mattress we borrowed.... some care package for a buddy.... etc... and off to the Post office we went. WOW, I looked like a bag lady with things spilling out of the top and a HUGE box balanced precariously on the top!! At least we only had to walk a mere 12 blocks. (each way...) Thankfully we were going , for the most part, across the slope...so we didn't have to walk the up hill juant much! I let 'Bella "skip and run" (as she says...) beside me...and off we went! As I was walking...I noticed a difference in how I was feeling...no pain, discomfort, I wasn't winded....I was AMAZED! Walking home we looked sooo helarious...Look at 'Bella!!

My new Celeb Look alikes....

2006-09-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

The only ones that are the same are Juliet Binoche....Fergie....and I think Florence Henderson....
Hmmmmm???? Ok.

JOURNAL: Sept. 18th - "Halfway to Goal!"

2006-09-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

Last week I finally hit my half way point!! ...and I've LOST....another .4!!! I only needed .3 to be at my 1/2 way point!SOOOO, I'm over the 1/2 way point by .1#!!!!! WHOOOOHOOOOO!!! It's amazing how .4 lbs can make a HUGE difference in my attitude....I knew that I was retaining water...but, I was bummed!! ~ I'm thrilled to be past the 1/2 way mark...it makes such a difference to hit this GOAL!! Tomorrow is my 5 month post op anniversary....and today I'm UNDER 240# just hit 239, and that would make -11# down this month....I'm just sooo excited that I'm 1/2 way...and if I loose 100# by 6mos Post op...that would be great!! (I'd secretly hope that I will loose 110 by my six months....but, anyway I will wait...and just see what will happen. ) Thanks for celebrating with me!!!!

We took my 5mos. post op pictures a couple of days early...and even though it's only 10# I really can see the difference this month!!
I'm starting to feel like my "Old self..." - I even am beginning to see my collar bones! hmph!!

"How Much Water Should We Drink??"

2006-09-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

H2O - Most experts agree that a good rule of thumb is to drink at least eight 8-oz. glasses of water. But....everyone is different...I've been hearing this for years) we all have unique water needs, depending on many factors. There used to be a hydration calculater on Brita.com...(now it's not there...)....today I found a new one when I was checking out info on Penta Water.....Thought I'd share it with you all. I know my Dr. says a minimum of 50oz. and on this board many say at least 64oz. This IBWA Hydration Calculator is easy to use...just enter you weight and the # of minutes you will be exercising today - and the calculator will tell you the recommended water intake that is tailored for your individual need. Cool thing....it also gives you a schedule of the best times of day to fulfill your daily requirement.Sounds cool huh....???
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Here is mine:
Your total water intake today should be approximately:

122.5 oz. The best time of day for you to drink water-

WAKE UP
BEFORE BREAKFAST
MID A.M.
BEFORE LUNCH
MID P.M.
BEFORE DINNER
MID EVENING
BEFORE BED

(Remember: 80% of this amount is met by consuming water and beverages, while the other 20% is derived from foods.)
~little disclaimer~ I copied most of this information from the site where the calculator lives!!

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In case you didn't notice...I'm trying to motivate myself in my water drinking....I've been sooo bad with my hydration....Here are more WATER FACTS:Water's Role in the BodyWater helps nearly every part of the human body function efficiently. Considering that our bodies are almost two-thirds water, it is important to understand water's role in healthy lifestyles. The following are just some of the things water does in the body:

Brain is 75% water /
Moderate dehydration can cause headaches and dizziness
Water is required for breathing
Regulates body temperature
Carries nutrients and oxygen to all cells in the body
Blood is 92% water
Moistens oxygen for breathing
Protects and cushions vital organs
Helps to convert food into energy
Helps body absorb nutrients
Removes waste
Bones are 22% water
Muscles are 75% water
Cushions joints

Hoping you will get as much from this info as I am....It's all sooo interesting!!

Thinking and Praying for our Country....

2006-09-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

.....and all the family and loved ones that suffer during the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

JOURNAL: September 6th/ 2006

2006-09-06T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well...here we go!! I really am starting to see the difference in my face! WOW!! I'm excited about it.
This is one of the pictures taken last night at our US OPEN rainout...

I'm finally at the weight that I was when I returned from our Honeymoon. And now that my hair is RED again...I'm beginning to feel like my "old self!" Thanks for all of your support and emails!! Hey...you can leave comments on this blog....
DON'T BE SHY!! I'd love to hear from you...thanks again for all your support and prayers... I really am doing great. I'm adjusting to my new tummy...and obviously since I've lost 90#....it's working!!

US OPEN Rainout!!

2006-09-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

(DOUBLE CLICK the Picture for a larger view...)
We had a bummer of an experience with our first US OPEN...
Russ and I were sooo excited...and then, when the rain came...it all changed!

Journal : 4 mos. Post-Op

2006-08-19T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today was an exciting day....knowing that it is my 4mo. Post-Op anniversary....I jumped on the scale to see that I weighed exactly 250.0!! I haven't weighed this since my second year of marriage...I've lost 83.8#...and have exactly 100# to lose to hit my goal.

Here are my monthly progress pictures....with the comparison to my surgery day photos....

JOURNAL: 3 mos. PostOp Picture...

2006-07-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

As you can see....I'm feeling a little sassy in my recent photos...

I'm definitely losing my BUTT!!! wow.... 67#'s gone....from my butt! LOL.I'm sooo glad I had this surgery!

I'm losing my BUTT!!

2006-07-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

Journal: Nearly 3mos. Post Op....

2006-07-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's been WAY too long since I last blogged....
I've been here and there...we are soooo busy with our move I can hardly believe it!!
The best part of it all is it keeps my mind off of what is actually happening with my weightloss...I just take it "day to day" - as I am forced to take everything else.
As of today I'm 65# down...and am feeling sooo great. I am amazed at the speed in which my weight is coming off...but, soooo thankful. I'm sooo glad I had this surgery! This picture is a comparison....Left is my "last supper" pic...and the other was taken about a month ago at my cousin's wedding. I had lost about 50# there. I haven't had another recent face shot...but, I suppose since my 3month anniversary is this week I'll be taking some more pictures....
I'll try not to be sooo lame in posting in the upcoming days and months...

My Celebrity Look a likes...

2006-06-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sugar Free Candy????

2006-06-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

Another disappointment.It did satisfy the sweet tooth...but in NO WAY was I desiring to eat the entire bag like I've done in my past.....They were just, "OK"....and I am not tempted....it's really weird how my tastes are changing....I know all of you warned me this would happen...but, it's a bit freaky!!
I did "creatively" eat SUSHI finally while in NYC this week. (for those who don't know...rice is off limits for about a year...b/c it expands in your tummy after eatting and can stretch out your pouch and/or make you very uncomfortable/sick).....I've been wanting it sooooooo much, and if you've ever been in NY, you'll know that there is a place to eat SUSHI everywhere!!!! Finally I decided that I'd get the sushi plate....and cut open the rice/seaweed paper part....and eat the insides....just eating a little portion of the rice. OH!!! LOVED IT!!! And didn't get sick - this was soooooo exciting!
AND I DID NOT OVEREAT!!!

Krispy Kreme Donuts....

2006-06-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

Ok.....My uncle just brought 2 doz. Krispy Kreme hot donuts into our lodge...and coffee is brewing....

Oh, I'm trying to convince my hubby to go get one...and let me have the smallest bite. OH....have I told you I've been dreaming of Krispy Kremes??

Oh my they smell sooo good!! OKAY...he finally did.....and I took a tiny bite.....WOW! Soooooo amazing for the bite...and as I was chewing and it got mushy - not so great.

This makes me wonder....hmmmmm? Have I really ever ate a Krispy Kreme donut....I think I've always inhaled them.....wow. It tasted greasy...not so good...and the sugary tast went away...I really hope that it was not a lot of sugar.... that bite was not worth it AT ALL!!!!

If you are losing weight....

2006-06-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

What are the things you "Can't wait for?"

I have a short list started in my mind...but, I'm sure everyone can relate to this...and there might be some on your list that I'm excited about for me to.....I'd love to hear what you are excited about for your WL....So....here are mine in no particular order:

Crossing my legs
Seeing my face again...the thinner heartshaped face...
wearing my size 14 bootcut, mid rise jeans. (I'm saving them...and love them...)
fitting in a rollercoaster ride
Making my "Wedding Weight - 220#"
Making my "10 year reunion Weight - 183#" (5# less than my graduation weight)
Wearing some of the 'coolest' clothes I've designed...they are all about sizes 10-14.
CreativeHanky Panky...tee hee!!
Going to the park with my daughter w/o the fear of not being able to catch up w/ her if I need to...
walking up stairs and not getting "out of breath"

So....what about you??

Journal: 2 mos. Post Op

2006-06-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

It's hard to see the difference for me....even though I'm 52# lighter. I do know that being 266#'s is an amazing accomplishment b/c every time I've done WW or Curves....I have had trouble getting out of the 270's!!
So, even though it's hard to see it...and celebrate the way I look....I will celebrate just being out of the 270's....this is a huge accomplishment.
I'm also very excited that I'm 50# lighter at my cousin's wedding...that is what I've been hoping for...and know that I'll feel soooo much better...and find something to wear. LOL.
I'll post a head shot from the wedding when I get them.

The "orange" picture is my 4 weeks post-op pictures. (hard to tell that I've lost anything...although, I did lose 35# in the first month...and out of "THREEDOM"!)
The "green" are my 8 week post op pictures. Taken while we are traveling this summer. We are in the beautiful town of Grey....staying at our dear friends, Bod & Karen's home. (LOVE THEM!!) This photo is taken out in front of their home....wow, is it beautiful here!!

2006-06-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

TWOTERVILLE!!!!!

Whooooo Hoooooo!

this is soooo awesome....say "good-bye Threedom!"

For those of you who are non-weightloss people...I've left the 3oo's and have entered the high 200's....thus being "twoterville!"

Wow....Dumping is NO FUN!!

2006-05-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

I've only dumped one time...and it wasn't even on something fun...it was on liquid Tylenol!!UGH! I knew that not everyone would be blessed with Dumping syndrom...yes, I do say blessed...I prayed that I would have it - because I knew that it would keep me from SWEETS & CHEATING... So, on my first day home when I started my first episode...I was soooo ill...but eventually I was thankful that I had it!!....and.....I haven't Cheated either!! lol.

My Food Epiphany.....

2006-05-16T23:43:00.000-07:00

I really had a huge breakthru about "who I was being with food" before my surgery....and "who I am being NOW with food" after surgery...

Before my surgery... I loved going out with friends for lunch, dinner.... or meeting over coffee or breakfast - all these little "get togethers" surrounded food ! Wow, I just am amazed... it was such a wonderful realization...before surgery I would be focused on where & what we would eat...and have great conversation and once the food arrived ... my attention span shifted to the inanimate substance sitting delectably in front of me! I didn't realize until I went to dinner last night...Knowing that no matter WHAT is in front of me - foodwise - I would not be able to stuff myself...focus on it too much, etc. So, my mind shifted...I had to make a conscience shift to focus on my enviornment...the others around me...and the whole conversations.

THAT was when it hit me....this was something completely new for me...This dinner was not about the good food...it was about those around me...visiting....enjoying the enviornment....and soaking up the evening like I don't ever think I've done.I'm excited...this is completely new thinking for me!!WOW...

Journal: 12 days Post Op....

2006-05-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

I am actually feeling soooo great. It is really amazing. I went to my doc last Thurs. and had lost 16# and now it's about 20#.....wow.....I'm soooo excited.

I foung this great picture of where the trocars went for my laproscopic surgery....I'm sorry if this offends you...but, it's just the way it was for me less than 2 weeks ago...I watched the surgery on a Cybercast hosted by Carnie Wilson whose own bypass procedure in 1999 was the first to be shown live on the internet and became an inspiration to many who were considering the surgery. Today, almost seven years after her surgery, Carnie Wilson is 125 lbs. lighter, a new mom and the spokesperson for Lite and Hope a role that gives her great joy and purpose. Carnie will host this cybercast and will be joined by co-commentators. The week before my surgery I watched it....it's sooo awesome, ...and now that I've found it and this picture...it brings back memories. Funny enough...my tiny scars are healing great...it's the irritation from the band-aids...or places where my skin was ripped by the adhesive bandage that is causing a bigger problem.

If you are really interested...click on the link above to see the surgery...or just enjoy this cool picture!

I'm really doing great....no pain, or soreness...and I'm off of all pain meds. I'm eatting puree's now....and some soft food...and will be on this regime for the next week and a half.~

Journal: 6 days Post Op....

2006-04-25T19:33:00.000-07:00

I really am doing great! Yesterday was a little surprising...b/c I actually was feeling some pain...(4 on a scale to 10 - not bad!) but, I'd say my pain has been very well controlled keeping it 1 or so up to then....just primarily soreness. I have a nice little set up...I have been "living" in a recliner a friend lent us (she had this surgery 2 yrs ago...and said it was awesome - and it is...) and I get up to move around as the doctor instructs...but I place my rear-end here most of the time...and sleep here too. Russ brings me his laptop, which I place on a pillow on my tummy as I recline...and browse the net - or write emails.

Isabella, my daughter, is with my Mother...and boy, do I miss her!! I don't miss all the activity that is required with a little one who will be 3 in a matter of months...but her sweet little voice on the phone doesn't help...just makes me miss her more! It is a week today since I really spent any time with her... ::::sigh::::

I meet with the hospital's nutritionist and post- bariatric surgery liaison tomorrow...and get my staples out at my Dr's apt. on Thursday. Hopefully I will then find out when I can lift "things" (my only want to lift is my sweet little 27# lumb of lovin into my lap...and squeeze her tight!)...and when I will start to feel less tired etc.

Russ and I did venture out to a movie last night....it was fun....but very tiring, even though I was taxi'd to the front door by Russ and we took every step very slow. We went to one with the VERY comfortable seats, and on the row where there is a railing in front, so I could put up my feet. I took a small pillow with me - it feels really good to press a pillow on my belly...esp. where my central left incision is. That is where I feel the pressure and soreness when I move around. We saw "Inside Man" with Denzel...and that cute Aussi....can't remember his name right now....and bit part w/ Jodi Foster. Loved it!

We also walked right in with a smoothie....this was a fun experience....we stopped at Smoothie King before we went to the theatre....and bought one 20 oz smoothie....asked the guy to pour off 6oz. in a kids cup for me...and Russ took the rest. I have a feeling we will spend the rest of our lives sharing whatever we buy "out!" It's going to be great for me....and Russ too, since all of our portions in the US are so huge anyway.

So....that is what is "UP" with me....my pain is reduced to just soreness when I'm on my meds....and I am able to spread out the dosage time now to double time. Eating is interesting...I am NEVER hungry...and am on a strick schedule of 8-10-12-2-5-8 by my doc for the next 2-3 weeks....all is liquid right now....and I have to get at least 50gms of protein a day to help speed along my recovery he say...I suspect it's also to keep me from getting malnurished. I know they have me drinking so often so I won't get dehydrated. I can only consume about 4-6 oz. ever half hour is this about right??This morning my hubbie, Russ, made me a 6 oz protein shake...and it took nearly an hour for me to finish it. I'm using ISOPURE protein mix...I like it b/c it's loaded with 25gms in one scoop! It makes me laugh, because a week ago, when I was still on liquids preparing for my surgery...I'd make a 12oz. protein shake and slurp it down in 5min. or less.....wow, what a difference!!Well...I'm going to take some time to sleep....I'm glad to be posting again...and FINALLY on the POST-op side of surgery

Journal: recorded 2 days Post Op....

2006-04-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, April 19th/ 2006 – Surgery Day!!

We woke up chipper around 5:45am….got dressed and loaded the car and took off to take Isabella to my friend Kathryn’s house. She didn’t live far from the hospital, so it was great to have her go there. Then… Mom, Russ, and I went to Vista Surgery Center of Dallas. We arrived about 20 minutes to 8am so we were early…and we just went to fill out all the necessary paperwork .
We didn’t wait long before they took me to the room I’d come to after I got out of recovery…we took all my things there, & I changed into a hospital gown. My friends Karen and Martha Anne came to be at the hospital and just sit, pray and be with Russ and Mom. Shortly after the five of us settle and started talking in the hospital room the entourage of technicians came to start poking and prodding…I had blood drawn, and EKG…and pregnancy test…and then I was taken down to the place where they get you situated b/f surgery. I had my EGD done at Vista hospital…so I was familiar with the nurses…and the area – there they inserted my IV tubes and started me on saline and an antibiotic….Russ was able to come in there with me.
My doctor, Dr. Barker had one surgery before mine…which took some extra time…so my surgery which was originally scheduled for 9:30am….was pushed back. I think my doctor came in around 11am and then Russ had to go to the waiting room to join Mom, Karen and Martha Anne. Dr. Wu, was my anesthesiologist…as soon as he got there…he had 2 syringes…and he said one was my ‘margarita’…and the other was to prevent me from having a hangover or getting sick. Because I was having the gastric bypass…they do all they can to keep you from getting sick or having nausea…vomiting in the first days isn’t the greatest idea when they’ve just operated in that vicinity.
Shortly after that…nothing….I don’t even remember leaving that little cubby. The next thing I remember is a nurse lightly slapping my face…and saying, “Deborah, wake up…your surgery is over….can you wake up for me?”
My whole recovery room memory is in pieces…and as I think about it…it’s strangely disturbing, and definitely the worst I’ve felt since the surgery. I recall, Cold… cold…. Muffled talking…..cold. A nurse with short hair is standing to my right…talking to someone across the room while she is writing. My eyes…. open…. closed…. open…. ”Deborah, are you waking up?” All I can muster is, “ugggh.” When I open my eyes I see the top of Dr. Barkers head sitting at a desk working across the room from where I am…:::blink:::….he’s not there. I felt like all I did was blink, but I was probably not completely coherent or conscience. It is soooo cold in this place…and I feel like a BLOB…I feel like my stomach has a soccer ball in it…or just a big ball of pressure. I’m not hurting – I just feel like crap. As I am coming around and can keep my eyes open longer and longer I am more aware of the nurses around me…one of them is Rochelle…the nurse that came and got me from my room and took me down to pre-op, and the other is a nurse I recognize from when I had my EGD. My mouth is sooo dry…my lips feel chapped, or the whole area is like sandpaper especially way back in my mouth close to my throat. There is some mention of a cathater…and then there is pressure…then release….then the nurses broke out in laughter. Rochelle tells the short haired nurse says, “oops! Happens to everyone once in a while…” and then I hear that she spilled my pee. I mummbled something to her about not blaming that on me…and they started laughing and said they thought I was alert enough to go to my room if I was cracking jokes. I tried to focus on the clock and all I could see was it was sometime in the one o’clock hour.
Once I was moved from the recovery room we wheeled past the waiting room where I saw Karen…but not Russ & Mom. Karen said they went to eat some lunch…but that she’d find them and meet me in my room. Around this time…I became very aware of the pain in my abdomin… and was told it would be a bit of time until they could get me some pain medication. The seams in the doorway floors and the grates going in and out of the elevator caused me to catch my breath. At this point I started focusing and visualizing the pain…it’s shape…and color. I became very subdued and focused on being patient for the pain. The ‘Disappearing Technique’ got me thru however many minutes I waited for the pain pump. Honestly…I adjusted…I decided to be honest and open with myself about what degree of pain I was in…no more, no less. This got me thru and gave me the courage to jump out of bed when my nurse came in to ask me if I wanted to try the “Barium Swallow” now, or in the morning. I flung the sheets back and pulled my self up to get into her wheelchair as quickly as possible, as if I didn’t grab the offer it might retract at any moment.
I was motivated by the sandpaper mouth and throat I was experiencing. All I wanted was a simple sip of water…I’d do anything for it at that moment…and being brave and going immediately for testing was the way I was going to solve the dryness.
The barium was not a problem…in fact I welcomed the thick potent taste – all I could think was it could aleviate some of the dryness and pain. Thankfully I followed the instruction to a “T” and Dr. Barker was there to praise me for jumping into this so quickly and to congratulate me on my soon-to-sip liquids!
As soon as I returned to the room, I received my first sips of water…we commemorated that moment with my sweet friend Karen giving it to me before she left for the day. AHHH, that was heaven!! I don’t think a sip of water ever in my life tasted soooo wonderful, wet and wanted. At that moment everything shifted for me…my pain shifted…my conscienceness shifted…I was committed to my possibility of “Authenticity and Openness.”

TO BE CONTINUED....

SURGERY on Schedule...

2006-04-18T09:44:00.000-07:00

This is my last update before my gastric bypass surgery...
This week has been a little tough...but, only one more day of the liquid diet before my surgery Thanks for all your prayers...I'm sure you know what a awesome husband I have...he has joined me in this liquid journey.... & "We've" been doing the liquid diet together...
On the health scene...I am feeling great and do not have any cold or congestion from my virus 2 weeks ago...yea!!

I have to check into Vista Hospital of Dallas - Wednesday at 8am

I am fine...not nervous or anything...I'm actually excited. I am a little nervous about the pain I will feel later - for those of you who don't know ...I am a HUGE baby about pain...I had a hard time dealing with an ingrown toenail!

Please pray for....

My safety in surgery....Wednesday, 4/19 @ 9:30am.
The doctor's hands...and safe proceedures...as well as no complications. (Dr. Wade Barker)
That my anesthegiologist will be wise & knowledgeble...and take care of me while I am under.
My friend Kathryn as she babysit's Isabella Wednesday...and that Isabella will be obedient and play nicely with Kyle.
That my mother will have safe travel to and from Dallas...and as Isabella is with her in SanAntonio while I recover -
And that Isabella will be obedient...kind to the animals...and not scared at my Mom's house. (She gets a little nervous there...at night time.)
That my pain will be minimal after the surgery...and that pain meds will be sufficient and effective.
That I will walk and do all that is necessary to help me recover quickly.
That I will be a good patient...
That my sister will have safe travel to and from Dallas this weekend when she comes.
That I will adjust to the hard work that is ahead of me as I adjust to my new changes.
That I will eat and follow all my instructions, so I will not have trouble with malnutrition & dehydration.
That I will drink all my liquids & protiens.
And follow thru with my exercise program.

Aside from the surgery...

Please Pray for....

The preparation and sale of our home
Our new NYC apartment...and accomedations for our cats with us
A place to keep our kitties for 3 weeks in June...while we are traveling - looking for our apartment, going to my cousin Tiff's wedding and visiting the Hornsteins
Pack up of the rest of our things going to NYC
Sale of the excess items either on eBay or Estate Sale
All misc. details will fall into place...and that we will not stress with one another!

Thanks sooo much for your friendship and support...

Until I'm feeling better....thanks for your prayers & love, Deborah

The Last Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner.....

2006-04-11T15:24:00.000-07:00

WOW!!! What a day....I woke up late to my friend Alicia calling to cancel our lunch plans! (Her little boy was sick....) BUMMER!! Anyway...I was determined that was NOT going to hold me back - My lunch date would be my "Baby Love"... and we were going to my favorite Thai food restaurant called Mango's to get my fav: "Citrus Beef" - YUM!!~ And fried Mango Ice Cream with raspberry sauce. I knew that 'Bella would eat the rice and veggies and hopefully some beef....but the ice cream would be an exciting treat for her...and I was going to make the best of it! She and I had a fun time...and then did some errands before going to pick up our babysitter, Amy. We had big plans with our best friends - Beka, Ken & Viv!

That was sooo fun and exciting b/c we went to the Cheesecake Factory! Oh my...I love that food, I thought I' d have my last 'comfort food' for a while...and of course - CHEESECAKE!!! I had to put this picture in of Russ and I ....wow, I think this is the first time I was glad to see how fat I look! Great starting place...

I ordered the Factory Meatloaf... and oooooh, was it GOOOOD!! What do you think? OH, btw...I didn't eat the whole thing...just about 1 and 1/2 of the meatloaf...3/4 of the mashed potatoes...and a bite or two of the corn. (Russ ate the rest for lunch the next day!) I didn't photograph the cheesecake....I had a light Tuxedo Cheesecake. Ooooooh, it was soooo smooth and yummy - I'm glad THAT was the last huge meal...So Fun!

To the left is my Beka-Boo friend...my best girl! Wow, we have been thru sooo much together. I'm loving her... She is sooo sooo supportive of my surgery! I'm excited that it is only one week away...it is amazing that it is nearly here. To the right is my sweetest latin cookie.... she is such a love...I feel like we are sisters!! What a fun night and celebration this was... the last big meal... as I'm sure many feel... I think I over did it a bit, but WOW, was it DELISH!!

NOW....onto the liquid diet....I'm hoping I'll make it...and it won't be too difficult!

SURGERY DATE!

2006-04-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's really hard to believe my surgery is scheduled.
APRIL 19th 2006 @ 9:30am.
I still feel like it's not going to happen...I don't know why I'm skepticle...it just doesn't seem real.
I'm sick right now...I don't know if that will effect anything...but, I'm praying that I'll get better by the weekend...start back in on eating right and sleeping right to take care of myself!

I'm holding my breath for now....

SELF PORTRAIT

2006-03-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

SELF PORTRAIT: I'm learning to be okay with seeing "me" in photos before my surgery...it's hard - I barely recognize myself anymore.... and I still hate my double chin....it this picture it is not the worse I've seen. Strangely enough...even through all of the weight gain...I still feel beautiful, sexy, confident...this is amazes me ?!?

Self Sabotage....

2006-02-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

I am in self sabotage...("once again") regarding my commitment to this 49 days of wellness.

Today is suppose to be Day #2: I am having a hard time...and in my old habits.... (in Landmark Education's - Advanced Course - it's my "fixed way of being" called my ACT). I've found some new facets of my Act, "I'll never get it!"..."I'm confused...it's too hard." ~ which then allows me to be stuck...and not move forward!

I have not stuck by my commitment in this 49 days of Health & Wellness...I did not prepare for yesterday- shopping wise. I am not working my plan - because I have not made a plan.
I have been completely powerless and feel this way regarding Day#1 & 2. I didn't eat properly day 1...and tonight thought I'd try to begin again...and didn't prepare. So...day one and two are out....and the new facets come into play.
I defintely see how and WHY, I've been unsuccessful in the past. And b/c of these realizations, I realize I'm pretending that I'm playing the game -full court...to cover up "I'm scared I'll fail."
Making up the story about how I will "once again fail" justifying my probablel almost certain future that I will give up again and fail.
This step is HUGE for me...I feel like this is the step that will give me my health and vitality back...this will make a huge difference when I am I post-op...and can only eat very very small amounts of food. I keep thinking...if I can only put that small amount in at a time...I want it to be a healthy food...instead of the junk that I choose...or that is what is offered at the grocery. I'm still a bit "miffed" about the racket of the hydrogenated oils that are in absolutely EVERYTHING processed...and then in a ton of other foods, like peanut butter...etc.

UGH!! I better quit before I get going.....

My Plan:
Pick up tomorrow...go to teach in a few hours...then go to the grocery for Sunday/Monday preparation. Hopefully I can pick up here....

Only about 10 weeks pre-op....I can barely wait for all of this "waiting" to be in the past!!!~

Definition - "Loon"

2006-02-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

____________________
loon n. Informal
1: One who is crazy or deranged.
[Probably from loon1(from from its loud cry), and influenced by lunaticn 2: a worthless lazy fellow 3: a person with confused ideas; incapable of serious thought
____________________

"A person with confused ideas; incapable of serious thought.... "

this sounds about right to me..... ~D

Visiting the 'Loon'....

2006-02-08T22:48:00.000-08:00

Okay...I don't know if I'm getting "used" to her, or if I'm just counting down the times I have to see her. (btw....one more time...only $40 more!!)

Today....she finished asking me some questions to complete my 'Psyc Eval'...and then...she talked abou her dog...in comparison with my daughter...(who was with me...) and then 30min. was up...and she shuffled me out.

She did asked me if I weighed in...I did, and asked me if I was "doing a diet"....I started to share about my newest breakthru with how I am thinking about food...and how I have taken on be responsible for my health & wellness OVER 'dieting.' ~

Basically she cut me short and said, "that's nice...what book are you reading?"...and then, when I mentioned organic food - she went off on a 12 min tangent about the benefits of feeding her "buffy" - organic dog food - & was I going to feed Isabella organic food?? (The minutes couldn't tick fast enough...)

"Are you for real???" is all I wanted to say....hmmmm?

And then she "shoo'd" me off.....

D~

FLOATING....wow!

2006-02-02T22:18:00.000-08:00

So in the first week we are not beginning the actual Wellness program for another week. We are going to read the first chapter...and practice Drinking Water!!!
Did you know???

Of all the earth's water, 97% is salt water found in oceans and seas.
Only 1% of the earth's water is available for drinking water. Two percent is currently frozen.
Water has been called "the most essential nutrient."
A person can live for weeks without food, but only for a few days without water.
Water makes up, on average, 60 percent of your body's weight.
Every system in your body depends on water.
On average, your body losses 8 - 12 cups of water a day

We are going to practice drinking 1/2 our body weight in ounzes of water...WOW...that is 160 oz. of water a day for me!! FLOATING....I'm floating at 65 oz!!

How much water should we drink?? I used to know of a water test on brita.com...but, it's not there anymore....hmmmm? At about 290# I needed to drink 13 glasses of water a day...so that is nearly 104 oz.

I'm trying to get my water in...but, I don't know if I can get in 1/2 my body weight...

Oh....one more thing....

2006-01-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

The other thing about hydrogenated oils that I have been reading and have found research on is when the FDA got involved in labeling "trans fats"....it only requires for them to label a gram or more....so, if there is less than a gram in one serving...it can still say "0 grams of Trans Fat!" But here is the "CATCH 22"....if you eat more than one serving....or eat several types of trans-fat-free products thruout your day....you are still getting trans fats....all those less than 1gm add up!!! I'm reading all sort of labels...you can't rely on the Nutritional facts...you have to look at the ingredients.

As for me...I'm going to steer very very clear of the Hydrogenated Oils! You can read more here.

Healthy food?? Healthy life??

2006-01-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

I've been bombarded with 'poison' disguised as 'healthfood.' Who would have thought that products stuffed with chemicals - and just as much or more sugar than candy bars, would end up on the list of foods we should ingest for a healthy lifestyle?

Do you know what TRANS FAT is??? AND...just because it says, "NO TRANS FAT" doesn't necessarily mean there is NO TRANSFAT!! ~ this is sooo wrong....
I am committing not to a diet - but taking responsibity for my Health & Wellness....I will no longer pretend I don't care what is in the food I'm eating...I will be fully responsible and aware. Ignorant no more!

I'm reading, The Great Physicians Rx....wow! I am glad it's a practicle approach...and it just doesn't jump right on in! Its a HUGE commitment...but, I'm starting with "49 days of Wellness"
Thanks to my girls in the Genesis Team for your support and love in this endeavor of my life...I am extremely touched by who you all show up to be in life ! Wow...what powerful women you are!

Ahhh...she's driving me CrAzY!!

2005-12-14T15:29:00.000-08:00

OK....I went to the 'loon' for our monthly visit today. I'm not quite sure why or how she stays a therapist/nutritionist?!? This baffles me...WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT ME!!?? How is it that I pay her??

I must be an Idiot!

Now, I'm on the countdown...only 3 more visits that will be a waste of $$...- hmmm....maybe not a complete waste - if my insurance covers me for Gastric Bypass then it will be $400 well spent!! I am thankful that she is cheaper than a REAL therapist....that is a bonus!~

Today I ask her for receipts for all my visits so I could claim all of this on my insurance - hoping to get back 80% of what I'm wasting...and she doesn't have a Tax ID??? How can she be in practice with out it??? So...she hemhaws...and says "I'll look into it." ~ is she for real??

::::sigh::::

Continuous Possitive Airway Pressure ~ CPAP

2005-11-24T23:00:00.000-08:00

My doctor agreed that there was an overwhelming amount of evidence that the C-PAP machine will aid me in my sleeping!! WOW....I slept an overwhelming 71% of my night in restorative sleep b/c of the C-PAP.....

Can't beat that...so, he wrote me a perscription...and it only cost me a little over $100 to get it~ It is going to take a bit of time to get 'used' to the blowing into my face as I'm trying to catch my breath and fall asleep...but if it continues to feel strange I can push a special button that will lessen the pressure of the air, and gradually build up over 25min. period to the calibration that is good for me!

So...we'll see. I like the feeling of sleeping better~ And am thrilled that I don't have to pay hundreds as well as have a significant reason for having the RNY. I'll have my hubby take some picture of me in my C-PAP "getup"...quite humorous...it's a laugh!!~

Worries Over Weight-Loss Surgery

2005-11-18T22:14:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what kind of 'coverage' gastric bypass is getting. I don't know if it's MORE since I decided to have it, or if I am just MORE AWARE ?!
So...the Wall Street Journal ran a piece in the personal section ...and my best friends boyfriend found it and cut it out....and then she sent it to me. We told them about my choice to have RNY 2 weeks ago...and although he didn't say it when we were having breakfast...he's been processing my decision - and is baffled why I would choose this journey.
I think of my 2 year old...and what I hear is - "how can I continue on this way, especially when she is getting more and more active...and deserves to have a Mommy that will 'go-go-go'...and run in the park with her!" ~ I know that there is risk involved...but, I think that it is so important for her...for me...for my husband.
Well...overall...the article wasn't THAT bad....it stated the known fact that the surgery has a 1 in 200 risk of fatality. That the surgery is especially risky for patients 60yrs....and it goes on. I'm not going to worry about this...
I'm "Queen LaTivo"....I've tivo'd anything to do with or that mentions 'gastric bypass' - little by little I am hearing stories, good and bad. I especially like hearing about people who have had the surgery 4, 5, 6 yrs. ago. It all comes back to - "this surgery is not an EASY FIX...it does get the patient out of immediate risks that are weight related." But, there are sooo many other emotional struggles that take much time and many years to break thru.
I know this now...and want to be educated in how to deal with my eating disorder...and how I deal with food in life...and how I emotionally deal with life thru food.~ ::::sigh::::
It seems that there is a high rising rate of patients that w/in a 3 yr. period have to return for additional surgery. 20.2% of surgery patients were admitted to the hospital the year after surgery. ~ wow this is sooo high! The other percentages are high as well....
I'm praying my way thru this one...

Letter from Gramm....

2005-11-13T01:47:00.000-08:00

Well...I got a letter from Gramm today, and now I realize why I've been a little hesistant in telling my friends and family about my decision in having Gastric Bypass Surgery.

I am soooo "done" with the dieting scene...and this FINALLY has given me a light at the end of my tunnel...The voice in my head is constantly talking...and of course I am worried about being accepted and respected for my decision. I think some people think that 'fat people' go for the knife for an easy fix. It's not that way...in no way will this be an easy fix...It will take A TON of work to get thru the emotional eating baggage that I have...my mind will be the same and that is where the issues are. I just know that if my weight doesn't get off...in 5 years I will be in big trouble. And that is gaurenteed even if I stay this weight at 325!

Both my parents deal with weight issues...my uncle is very heavy...and I know my other family members have dealt with weight...but, as I know....I am one of the 'heaviest' members in my family beside my uncle...and my cousin Kim from my dad's brother. (Although...I think SHE may have had gastric bypass surgery a couple years ago!!~ hmmm...I'll have to check that out....I think she was very very large the last time I saw her...) Anyway...I've told a few very close friends....and all has been well. All were very very supportive! ~ What a blessing. I've told my sister, Kat...my brothers, Rob & Kenn. My Dad & Step-Mom -were sooo great & very supportive! I told my Gramm when I was in SA, at my brothers wedding...and asked her not to tell my Mom....I want the opportunity to tell my Mom...and need some time to prepare myself for if she is against this for my life. (I know she has her own thoughts on this subject...one of the girls in her office had the surgery, and her commits to me were very critical - and it didn't sound too accepting...and she didn't sound like she respected the decision.) I'm afraid this will be my situation as well...so, I think my husband and I have decided that we will sit down and talk to both, my mom and step-dad at the same time over Christmas. ( I think it will be very little time until my surgery by then...so, I won't have to worry if she doesn't approve!

Now…the point – I think Gramm may be concerned about my decision….she sent me a letter and a article about the pros and cons of the surgery…and highlighted her areas of concern. She didn’t tell me NOT to have the surgery…I can just tell that she is worried. It sounds as if she has talked to my aunts on the subject. I just hope she asked them to keep silent…and that I will be the first to tell my Mother…but, now…I’m not sure that will be possible~ oh, well….I’m not going to fret over it…what happens –happens!
I’m still going to have the surgery in about 4 months!! I go in for an appointment with my Dr. in a few days to hear the results of my CPap testing…and then hopefully I will get a machine and it will not be too costly!!~

My FIRST Great Night SLEEP!!!

2005-10-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

And....it was only about 5 hours!!!

I went to the sleep center last night - nearly missed my apt. b/c of a disagreement with my hubby - but that is a different story!!~

I did finally remembered my appointment...and was about 40min. late but they let me come...and after all the paperwork was completed...then we had to get me ONE WITH THE COMPUTER! All the wires....nodes....hook-ups....tests to make sure that everthing was in order...etc - wow, it took a couple hours and by the end of it all - I wanted to sleep!

I think I fell asleep pretty quick...but, I know it's sooo hard to feel completely comfortable with all the wires. I kept thinking if I move this way...I might disconnect something!!~ I slept most of the night on my back...and the tech finally got me situated with the c-pap machine...and evidently I got calibrated and slept like a baby without snoring!!

I found out this morning that I won't be getting a C-Pap machine until they sent all the info to my doctor...and he evaluates it, and then puts in a Rx for it!

Give me one!! I need it now...I don't want to wait....typical me!~ I am instant gratification...I want to have the surgery now...want the c-pap now...and when I am dieting - if I don't see pounds melting away...it's just not good enough!....

exhausting! ahhhh!!

I've heard that these machines can be very very expensive...I don't know...I want to sleep...want to feel better, to feel alert!!

"Alertness matters because being alert is much more than being awake.When you're alert, you may be more focused and better able to pay attention. At work, at home and everywhere else your day takes you — Alertness Matters."

Hhhhmmm?

2005-10-21T00:46:00.000-07:00

It's been hard to stick to a "diet", KNOWING I'm going to have the RNY...now about 4mos. away!! But thru my busy schedule, time is seeming to "fly by!" Which I love.....

....but, still I've still got sooo much to do before our family moves in 9mos.~ It's like preparing for a baby!! I need to meet with my Dr. next week...& get fitted for a C-Pap to sleep better.

AND NOW...to get all the paperwork together! aaahh!!~ Wow...another requirement is that I have to PROVE that I've been obese for over 5 years...so, I am gathering information from all my Dr's around town that have weighed me over the last 5 yrs... unfortunately, I'm having a hard time finding 2004...hopefully the person evaluating my case at the insurance company will realize that I didn't loose, and then gain all the weight within my one missing year....I don't know.~

The "Loon"...

2005-10-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

ok...what to say!

WELL....one of the requirements of the 6mo. waiting period -preparing evidence for the insurance company - is to get 2 very specific things...

I have to see a therapist and get a Psyc Eval...
I have to see a nutritionist once a month for six months in a row.

Thru a referral from my doctor I am seeing this someone who will help me with both - I call her "The Loon"....
The first time I talked to her...I thought maybe she was normal...and then after this visit ~ I wonder is SHE is all there???

I feel "stuck" b/c This is my second visit...and I don't think I can handle changing now....and then will have to start my 6mos over!! Right now I am just surviving on the thought that I will have my surgery late February...or at least in March.~ (4-5mos.)

I am paying this woman $60 an hour for HER to te ME about all her morning routine...and why it was impossible for her to wash her hair - thus explaining WHY her head looks like she poured a bottle of baby oil over her head!! Her hair is LONG...and blond...stringy and oily. WHAT is she going to evaluate ME on....I am shocked that I am going to have to sit in this office and pay HER!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had to bring my 2 yr. old today...and I could tell she was clearly aggitated with this...she kept try to relate to my mothering by comparing her taking care of her dog....

I'm clearly in a HUGE story about her...and how strange she is...but, I am soooo annoyed by her...and I don't quite trust her...I'm not sure what it is...but there is something strange about her?? hmmmm?? I don't trust that she will not mess something up...and there will be a problem of some sort. I think this goes deeper about my faith and trust that this will happen...I'm afraid to get excited about this journey b/c "what if....I don't have the surgery." "What if... something happens & I'm not approved by the insurance company??" "What if......"

I will need another sleep test to see if the C-Pap will work...that is coming up in about a week or so....

Sleep Apnea...

2005-10-07T02:27:00.000-07:00

I went to my family doctor today to check in…as well as get the reading the results of my sleep test. I do have sleep apnea…and it sounds like it’s pretty severe. I am glad that this will be great evidence for my cause with the insurance company. (But…as for living – yuck!! It’s no wonder I don’t feel great…and feel exhausted all the time!)

I am sleeping 70% of my night in Stage 2 – which is outrageous!! I should be getting about 40% in Stage 2 and significantly more in Stages 3 & 4. Thru the night I had “121 episodes”….all I know about these are, that I have to stop breathing for longer than 10 seconds to have it be considered an “episode.” This adds up over one night…and causes me to keep coming out of my better stages of sleep, and keeps me from experiencing REM sleep…of which I am getting about 4%.

So, back to the TSD to see if some sort of C-Pap machine will help me feel better…and not feel sooo exhausted! I'm just wanting some sort of relief ~ with my weight and sleep!

Spread 'em....

2005-10-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

Ugh! I had my OBGYN yearly today….I have really been irresponsible and this has been a year and 9 months since my last appointment. I had to get as many past records for insurance info…and then just get weighed AGAIN…this time was my ALL TIME high of 336# - WHAT the H***? I am just out of it & SICK….I must get going, and really focus at least on the very short term!
I shared with my doctor that I am planning on having the Gastric Bypass surgery sometime in the spring – and wow! What a response…he is thrilled and fully supportive, glad that I am doing something now, before I have serious problems…and hopeful that I will live a normal life. I notice when I receive all the paperwork from each visit since I started seeing him in 1999 that he has commented on my weight, and has documented it as the only area of concern. It makes me wonder why he’s never brought this up in our conversations...??? hmmmm.

Inspiration TV....could it be?? LOL.

2005-10-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

I need to invent a new possibility for my time as I prepare for surgery – RIGHT NOW! I’ve been watching The Biggest Loser….I see sooo much inspiration in these people! ~

Determination, Power, Commitment, Courage, Authenticity, Joy, & Vitality! Wow!!

I am claiming my inauthenticity about how I’ve been eating. It’s hard to own that I’ve been drinking my protein shakes…and then “BLOWING IT” when dinner came around! My payoff is that I am “in control”….but, I feel my weight is creeping up! Whoa! I check in with our family doctor – we’ll see where I am….and get to hear about if I have sleep apnea.

(Pitifully enough…this is about my obsession with reality TV….my sweet Just Pat would say “Voyeuristic TV”…lol.)

I'm GROWING......

2005-10-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been AMAZING Growth !! Russ and I went to Landmark Education's- Advanced Course. I learned that I used my weight….not as insulation, like some….but to be seen. The act of my life, the way I “did” life was thru the statement, “You will see me!” ~ Ouch!
I’ve given that up…that is not WHO I AM….I am accepting, loving, authentic, & courageous. I am choosing to be responsible for my act…knowing what I’ve done in the past…and choosing to live differently!
I’ve learned that living within my community is so important – standing for others growth…& the ability to live powerfully! In this I can “listen” for the excellence in others & see that is who I am. That is who God has made me!! I am so thankful for my faith in God…and these new tools thru Landmark. ~

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.” -Henry David Thoreau

STRESS Test...... Aaaah!!!

2005-09-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

TODAY – I went to Dr. Fred Maese’s for Cardiac Clearance for my surgery. I didn’t know what that meant until they told me I was going to do a stress test! Aaaahhh! My mother-in-law has done several of them when she has had heart issues – I dreaded this…but pushed thru. This stress test was SOOO HARD…but necessary, I first had to get another IV….and then had to walk on this treadmill (pretty fast) for at least 7 minutes…but he wanted me to do it for 15!! Nine & a half was all I could give…and thankfully the tech gave me something in my IV to get me thru the experience…and then put me in this machine that encircled my upper torso…and took pictures of my heart!!~ At the end, I got to actually SEE my heart BEATING….soooo cool! Dr. Maese said my heart was beautiful. This was soooo neat! What an amazing experience after the hard treadmill stuff was over. I am cleared for surgery – this is great news!! (And now, I off to do the series of other required tests and appointments! ~) Just looking at my heart...seeing all the facets of how it works....watching it beat - God is amazing...what a designer.

Tomorrow, My Honey, and I are off to the Advanced Course ~ I am excited about this time we have to go thru this together….learning MORE of what we didn’t know that we didn’t know. I love this tool in my life, and am sooo thankful for my faith in God…and trust that He will use this powerfully to teach me to see who I am. ~

MISERY... :::::sigh:::::

2005-09-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

An Everyday experience can be soooo exhausting!! I am finding that just walking can add a back pain…& my feet are sooo swollen every day!! Tomorrow is my brother’s wedding & I cringe to think of going….& taking wedding pictures that will be in our family for a very long time! I love the shoes that I bought to wear…but, the question is will I be able to pull it off with my edema being sooo bad?! My weight right now is 325#...and Russ and I are discussing practical ways to help me loose 25# -- this way I will be 300# or under for my surgery – it’s got to be healthier.

Big Changes....

2005-09-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

Wild to think of the changes that will happen after this WLS…to think of possibly loosing 85% of my excess weight. In most cases 77% of the weight will be lost in the first year – that would be 142.5#’s for me. 85% of my weight is a total of 157.5#’s which will leave me to loose about 30# on my own. – Wow…that seems unreal, completely ‘do-able’ but still, UNREAL.
Last night I went for a sleep study at Total Sleep Diagnostics (TSD)…my family doctor ordered it…but, it will also be nice to know if I have sleep apnea. If I do, this could be a big reason why I could be feeling ‘rotten’….as well as always feeling fatigued, worn out, etc. This experience was interesting – hmmm. You go into this “doctor-like office” and there are rooms set up like hotel rooms. I got hooked up to all these cords and nose pieces…brain reading cords… eye moving cords…etc….I don’t even know how many but I was so worried that I would NEVER fall asleep, but I eventually did. I did weasel it out of my tech that I snored pretty badly…my poor husband!! I have an appointment with my doctor to find out my results. I think this will help my insurance case.~ Just another Hoop!

Out patient proceedure...

2005-09-16T22:06:00.000-07:00

Today I was at Vista Hospital…..my surgeon, Dr. Barker, did my EGD today….a fairly simple procedure – for me anyhow. LOL. I literally got into my little room, my anesthesiologist got my IV going…and they wheeled me into the procedure room. All I remember is getting in there….and then my anesthesiologist had me start to count backwards from 100. All I remember, “100, 99, 98…..” OUT!! Then the next thing I know, and hour and half had past and I’m back in my little room. ~ Wow!! Now that was happy juice!! ~ (Check out my EKG tabs!)
The interesting thing about the EGD procedure is it is necessary for Dr. Barker to see the area that he will be operating on…and check out what is going on with my reflux. Just one more step before my Roux-En-Y surgery next spring.
Have I mentioned that I can nearly see the light at the end of the tunnel?? Just thinking about loosing the weight…finally!!
Being 5’7” (I’m still bitter…) – and according to the FDA I should weigh – 140#...so, that would make me 184# over weight – Super Morbidly Obese. WOW. I climbed into another range of obesity when my BMI became greater than 50…..mine is 51. It’s outrageous to just say it all out loud…this journey started years before now…it’s been overwhelming, bordering on treacherous & long, successful at times & full of defeats most of the other times. I think I’ve figured that I have lost over 100# in the last 3 yrs….but, I’m still at my heaviest weight I’ve ever been!
It’s funny to think of how I feel alien to my actual body., I love who I am…I just am not fond of my “shell” I am living in. I am a skinny woman inside…whose been swallowed up by a ‘Fat Girl!’ ~ Let me out !! I’m thrilled at the idea of getting freed from this ‘Fat Jail…” What I look like is not who I am…These “steps” are refreshing…I’m excited about every step until my surgery date & mentally ready for this now…I hope I can look at the positive, instead of focusing on how long until my date. I am committing on full disclosure on how I am feeling …what I think….& what I experience. GOOD – BAD – ENCOURAGING –DISCOURAGING…I am committing to be fully present…courageous….open…& joyful.

Light at the end of the tunnel...

2005-09-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

This is a journal & blog of my journey. After seeing my surgeon yesterday….it’s a combination of excitement & bewilderment and careful consideration in traveling down this road. Finally a light at the end of the tunnel…gastric bypass surgery – I can’t believe that I am finally at the crossroads to do something drastic like weight loss surgery. The method is thru laparoscopic roux-en-y gastric bypass . The link I’ve attached previously is fascinating….everything and more you may want to check out about this procedure. – different from my previous blogs…

I have had some fear about telling people my decision to have this surgery. The actual fear is really about what they will think, say, feel about MY life decision. I should say OUR…because I definitely could not make this type of serious decision without my mate…what a support he has been for me! I saw my family doctor today….I felt nervous to tell him, but to no avail, he was very very supportive. I’m amazed & thrilled for his support, now he’s not only educating me in what to expect…as well as giving supporting me in the tons of things I need to complete…some for health checks…..others for insurance reasons – all of which have to be complete before I have surgery. I am frustrated about the ‘insurance hoops’ that have to be jumped thru…6 months to wait …I’m resolved to this now….but, I’m still counting down the months.

FORK in the Road...

2005-09-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

When you come to a fork in the road…take it!!! This is one ‘fork’ I’ll accept, one that will make a difference ….one that chooses- LIFE! ~ (I’ll leave the other fork here…)
Today was my day to meet with Dr. Wade Barker…the bariatric surgeon who I was planning on doing my Lap Band surgery. I went in for my consultation a little nervous…thank goodness, my sweetie was with me. As I filled out all the paperwork I realized how many side effects I have…and I had no idea that they were ‘weight related.’ I have head aches in the morning…snoring, my swollen ankles, (which have a technical term, called - Edema .) back aches, sore feet….really, soooo much more than I even care to go into in this blog! It’s exhausting just thinking about it…all this time I thought that my weight wasn’t really an issue b/c I didn’t have high blood pressure, high cholesterol…or diabetes ~ when, that is not the case at all.
After talking with Dr. Barker…(and explaining our situation- as well as what our next year will look like with moving for my husband to go Optometry School. And not knowing what our insurance coverage will look like…) he began asking me why I was not interested in the Gastric Bypass surgery. First, I was VERY interested…but didn’t think my husband would go for it b/c of all the ‘hype and risk’. He then said he’d like to educate us on why the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery would be a better choice than the Lap Band. I had no idea all the percentages of weight loss…and with the high amount of weight I need to loose to be in a healthy weight range….Lap Band wouldn’t be as successful as Gastric bypass. After talking with him – he was excellent – he took his time with us…explaining sooo much in detail and answering every question –because of this, my husband & I are very comfortable with him as a doctor and surgeon & this is the direction I am going. I am VERY disappointed I am not able to have the surgery in the next couple of months….b/c my insurance makes us wait an allotted 6 months with diet and supervision…and then will approve it. This was heart wrenching….after deliberating this for nearly 2 years…I’m ready. But, I will look at the positive aspects…there is much for me to learn and consider in the next 6 months…this is a life altering decision, one not to be considered lightly.

Journey Back to Me....

2005-08-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

I finally made the call to get more information! I called the Barix Clinics…got a hold of them and asked a TON of questions…but, to really have all my questions answered, I needed to schedule a consultation. Because it is Lap Band I am interested in…they are sending me to a specific surgeon off site of the hospital…and I will have to wait a few weeks for my appointment. Until then, my sweetie and I have been talking about it, and we are both excited about our life possibilities that I never considered. My husband is excited that he won’t have to worry about me having a heart attack…or getting diabetes, HBP, HT…etc.
::::sigh::::

Wake-Up..."Wake-Up Call...."

2005-08-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

I’m ready to go and get the information to get started with weight loss surgery. Today was my daughters 2nd birthday…there are SO many things I currently hold back, or miss out on. Her god-mother was sooo fun with her today at Chuck E. Cheese’s….

In the play arena at Chuck E. Cheese’s they have a huge crawl tube attached to the ceiling….the kiddos climb up these obstacle ladders…and then crawl thru these tubes that maze thru on the ceiling. I would NEVER be able to let her enjoy that…thankfully her godmother is soooo fun and adventurous! It rang home in a pain to my heart how my weight can subtly affect my two-year-old RIGHT NOW!! I don’t like to take her to the park – for fear if she runs too far from me I won’t be able to run after her.
No more – I’m calling MONDAY!!!

~~~ Weight Loss Surgery ~~~ Journey back to ME...