Self Sabotage....

I am in self sabotage...("once again") regarding my commitment to this 49 days of wellness.

Today is suppose to be Day #2: I am having a hard time...and in my old habits.... (in Landmark Education's - Advanced Course - it's my "fixed way of being" called my ACT). I've found some new facets of my Act, "I'll never get it!"..."I'm confused...it's too hard." ~ which then allows me to be stuck...and not move forward!

I have not stuck by my commitment in this 49 days of Health & Wellness...I did not prepare for yesterday- shopping wise. I am not working my plan - because I have not made a plan.
I have been completely powerless and feel this way regarding Day#1 & 2. I didn't eat properly day 1...and tonight thought I'd try to begin again...and didn't prepare. So...day one and two are out....and the new facets come into play.
I defintely see how and WHY, I've been unsuccessful in the past. And b/c of these realizations, I realize I'm pretending that I'm playing the game -full court...to cover up "I'm scared I'll fail."
Making up the story about how I will "once again fail" justifying my probablel almost certain future that I will give up again and fail.
This step is HUGE for me...I feel like this is the step that will give me my health and vitality back...this will make a huge difference when I am I post-op...and can only eat very very small amounts of food. I keep thinking...if I can only put that small amount in at a time...I want it to be a healthy food...instead of the junk that I choose...or that is what is offered at the grocery. I'm still a bit "miffed" about the racket of the hydrogenated oils that are in absolutely EVERYTHING processed...and then in a ton of other foods, like peanut butter...etc.

UGH!! I better quit before I get going.....

My Plan:
Pick up tomorrow...go to teach in a few hours...then go to the grocery for Sunday/Monday preparation. Hopefully I can pick up here....

Only about 10 weeks pre-op....I can barely wait for all of this "waiting" to be in the past!!!~

Definition - "Loon"

____________________
loon n. Informal
1: One who is crazy or deranged.
[Probably from loon1(from from its loud cry), and influenced by lunaticn 2: a worthless lazy fellow 3: a person with confused ideas; incapable of serious thought
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"A person with confused ideas; incapable of serious thought.... "

this sounds about right to me..... ~D

Visiting the 'Loon'....

Okay...I don't know if I'm getting "used" to her, or if I'm just counting down the times I have to see her. (btw....one more time...only $40 more!!)

Today....she finished asking me some questions to complete my 'Psyc Eval'...and then...she talked abou her dog...in comparison with my daughter...(who was with me...) and then 30min. was up...and she shuffled me out.

She did asked me if I weighed in...I did, and asked me if I was "doing a diet"....I started to share about my newest breakthru with how I am thinking about food...and how I have taken on be responsible for my health & wellness OVER 'dieting.' ~

Basically she cut me short and said, "that's nice...what book are you reading?"...and then, when I mentioned organic food - she went off on a 12 min tangent about the benefits of feeding her "buffy" - organic dog food - & was I going to feed Isabella organic food?? (The minutes couldn't tick fast enough...)

"Are you for real???" is all I wanted to say....hmmmm?

And then she "shoo'd" me off.....

D~

FLOATING....wow!

So in the first week we are not beginning the actual Wellness program for another week. We are going to read the first chapter...and practice Drinking Water!!!
Did you know???

• Of all the earth's water, 97% is salt water found in oceans and seas.
• Only 1% of the earth's water is available for drinking water. Two percent is currently frozen.
• Water has been called "the most essential nutrient."
• A person can live for weeks without food, but only for a few days without water.
• Water makes up, on average, 60 percent of your body's weight.
• Every system in your body depends on water.
• On average, your body losses 8 - 12 cups of water a day

We are going to practice drinking 1/2 our body weight in ounzes of water...WOW...that is 160 oz. of water a day for me!! FLOATING....I'm floating at 65 oz!!
How much water should we drink?? I used to know of a water test on brita.com...but, it's not there anymore....hmmmm? At about 290# I needed to drink 13 glasses of water a day...so that is nearly 104 oz.
I'm trying to get my water in...but, I don't know if I can get in 1/2 my body weight...