Meeting "TWEETY"....

One thing I love about my support group...is it seems where ever I am...I am meeting someone new from our support group!

Tweety - Teri, is from Traverse City, MI....very close to my husband's hometown...so when we went to Michigan for Christmas...I set up an opportunity to meet Tweety!!

This is what I wrote on my collage:

"Look who I met in Michigan! What a highlight of our trip to Michigan....to meet Miss Tweety! She is a JOY!!! It was great hearing the details of her journey...and really getting the "nitty gritty"... we often can miss that - when all we do is posting!"

"If you can meet "Face to Face" with others from the boards...I'd say, "just do it!!"

Tweety is down 154#'s....Deb down 120#'s!"

I'm JUST "Obese"....

I've been fat for soooo long....
So early on in my journey as I've done my personal appraisals I'd be very conscious of what the scale said. So much so that I put a ton on value on those numbers as well as the numbers that hung in the waistbands and necklines of my wardrobe.
Soooo...when "they" whoever "they are" came up with a new way to audit myself....I unconscously conceeded and took upon yet ANOTHER label that says: "Morbidly Obese"

Which brings me to -
Most of you know of my "scale addiction"....and the fact that I weight every other day....if not every day. Well...I haven't really checked the BMI scale lately - until tickerfactory started offering it as an option.
I just saw today....I'm no longer "morbidly obese" - I'm JUST "obese."

JOURNAL: December 20th - "8 Months PostOP"

(You can click on each image for a Larger view!)

I am amazed how I am feeling....and more amazed how I am looking! I'm so excited that I'm starting to "feel normal"....and this is a huge milestone!

Tonight I went with my hubby for a Holiday party...and felt Pretty....I could've been Maria in Westside Story....dancing and prancing around our small flat....getting ready to see my Love....knowing, he was going to be sooo proud for me to be on his arm! OH, and he was....you should've seen his eyes when I took off my coat....sooo wonderful. Here is our picture:

Top 12 Fat-Fighting Foods

Tired of that spare tire? Sick of your love handles? You can increase your body's fat-burning power by eating more foods that help your liver (your body's main fat-metabolizing organ) to burn fat better, resulting in a leaner body.

There are many foods that fight fat, but the ones below are my picks as the top twelve:

1. Oatmeal: This complex carbohydrate (the good kind) is slow to digest and helps to keep blood sugar levels stable while keeping you feeling full. Research also shows that consuming oatmeal reduces a person's cravings for fatty foods - just be sure to eat the unsweetened kind.
2. Leafy Greens: Spinach, spring mix, mustard greens, and other dark leafy greens are good sources of fibre and powerhouses of nutrition. Research demonstrates that their high concentration of vitamins and antioxidants helps prevent hunger while protecting you from heart disease, cancer, cataracts, and memory loss.
3. Olives and Olive Oil: Being rich in healthy fats, olives and olive oil help to reduce cravings for junky foods and keep you feeling full. Research shows that monounsaturated fats that are plentiful in these foods also help reduce high blood pressure.
4. Beans and Legumes: Legumes are the best source of fibre of any foods. They help to stabilize blood sugar while keeping you regular. Soy is particularly good at speeding the breakdown of stored fat.
5. Garlic: This is one of the "dynamic duo" of foods contains phytochemicals that break down fatty deposits in the body, while also breaking down cholesterol; killing viruses, bacteria, and fungi; and protecting against heart disease. With a little help from garlic and onions, you can burn fat while warding off illness.
6. Onions: This is the other of the "dynamic duo" of foods contains phytochemicals that break down fatty deposits in the body, while also breaking down cholesterol; killing viruses, bacteria, and fungi; and protecting against heart disease. With a little help from garlic and onions, you can burn fat while warding off illness.
7. Tomatoes: Packed with vitamin C and the phytochemical lycopene, tomatoes stimulate the production of the amino acid known as carnitine. Research has shown that carnitine helps speed the body's fat-burning capacity by one-third.
8. Nuts: Raw, unsalted nuts provide your body with essential fatty acids that help burn fat. Their high nutrient content also lowers the risk of heart attack by 60 percent.
9. Cayenne: This hot spice lessens the risk of excess insulin in the body by speeding metabolism and lowering blood sugar levels before the excess insulin can result in fat storage.
10. Turmeric: Turmeric contains the highest known source of beta carotene, the antioxidant that helps protect the liver from free radical damage. It also helps your liver heal while helping your body metabolize fats by decreasing the fat storage rate in liver cells.
11. Cinnamon: Researchers at the United States Department of Agriculture showed that a quarter to one teaspoon of cinnamon with food helps metabolize sugar up to twenty times better than food not eaten with cinnamon. Excess sugar in the blood can lead to fat storage.
12. Flax Seeds and Flax Seed Oil: These seeds and oil attract oil-soluble toxins that become lodged in the fatty tissues of the body. Once attracted, they help to escort fat-soluble toxins out. That spells fewer fat stores and a trimmer you.

Very very interesting...what are you eating??

POUCH RULES: Something for my personal reference

INTRODUCTION: A common misunderstanding of gastric bypass surgery is thatthe pouch causes weight loss because it is so small, the patient eats less.Although that is true for the first six months, that is not how it works.Some doctors have assumed that poor weight loss in some patients is becausethey aren't really trying to lose weight. The truth is it may be because theyhaven't learned how to get the "satisfied" feeling of being full to lastlong enough.

HYPOTHESIS OF POUCH FUNCTION: We have four educated guesses as to how the pouch works:

1. Weight loss occurs by actually "slightly stretching" the pouch with foodat each meal or;
2. Weight loss occurs by keeping the pouch tiny through never everoverstuffing or;
3. Weight loss occurs until the pouch gets worn out and regular eatingbegins or;
4. Weight loss occurs with education on the use of the pouch.

PUBLISHED DATA: How does the pouch make you feel full?The nerves tell the brain the pouch is distended and that cuts off hungerwith a feeling of fullness.What is the fate of the pouch? Does it enlarge? If it does, is it becausethe operation was bad, or the patient is overstuffing themselves, or does thepouch actually re-grow in a healing attempt to get back to normal?For ten years, I had patients eat until full with cottage cheese every threemonths, and report the amount of cottage cheese they were able to eat beforefeeling full. This gave me an idea of the size of their pouch at three monthintervals. I found there was a regular growth in the amount of intake ofevery single pouch. The average date the pouch stopped growing was twoyears. After the second year, all pouches stopped growing. Most pouches ended at 6oz., with some as large at 9-10 ozs.We then compared the weight loss of people with the known pouch size of eachperson, to see if the pouch size made a difference. In comparing the largepouches to the small pouches,

THERE WAS NO DIFFERENCE IN PERCENTAGE OFWEIGHT LOSS AMONG THE PATIENTS. This important fact essentially shows that it isNOT the size of the pouch but how it is used that makes weight loss maintenancepossible.

OBSERVATIONAL BASED MEDICINE:The information here is taken from surgeon's "observations" as opposed to"blind" or "double blind" studies, but it IS based on 33 years of physicianobservation.Due to lack of insurance coverage for WLS, what originally seemed like aserious lack of patients to observe, turned into an advantage as I was ableto follow my patients closely. The following are what I found to effect howthe pouch works:

1. Getting a sense of fullness is the basis of successful WLS.
2. Success requires that a small pouch is created with a small outlet.
3. Regular meals larger than 1 ½ cups will result in eventual weight gain.
4. Using the thick, hard to stretch part of the stomach in making the pouchis important.
5. By lightly stretching the pouch with each meal, the pouch send signals tothe brain that you need no more food.
6. Maintaining that feeling of fullness requires keeping the pouch stretchedfor a while.
7. Almost all patients always feel full 24/7 for the first months, then thatfeeling disappears.
8. Incredible hunger will develop if there is no food or drink for eighthours.
9. After 1 year, heavier food makes the feeling of fullness last longer.
10. By drinking water as much as possible as fast as possible ("waterloading"), the patient will get a feeling of fullness that lasts 15-25minutes.
11. By eating "soft foods" patients will get hungry too soon and be hungrybefore their next meal, which can cause snacking, thus poor weight loss orweight gain.
12. The patients that follow "the rules of the pouch" lose their extraweight and keep it off.
13. The patients that lose too much weight can maintain their weight bydoingthe reverse of the "rules of the pouch."

HOW DO WE INTERPRET THESE OBSERVATIONS?

POUCH SIZE:By following the "rules of the pouch," it doesn't matter what size the pouchends up. The feeling of fullness with 1 ½ cups of food can be achieved.

OUTLET SIZE: Regardless of the outlet size, liquidity foods empty faster than solid foods.High calorie liquids will create weight gain.

EARLY PROFOUND SATIETY: Before six months, patients much sip water constantly to get in enough watereach day, which causes them to always feel full.After six months, about 2/3 of the pouch has grown larger due to the naturalhealing process. At this time, the patient can drink 1 cup of water at a time.

OPTIMUM MATURE POUCH: The pouch works best when the outlet is not too small or too large and thepouch itself holds about 1 ½ cups at a time.

IDEAL MEAL PROCESS (rules of the pouch):

1. The patient must time meals five hours apart or the patient will get toohungry in between.
2. The patient needs to eat finely cut meat and raw or slightly cookedveggies with each meal.
3. The patient must eat the entire meal in 5-15 minutes. A 30-45 minute mealwill cause failure.
4. No liquids for 1 ½ hours to 2 hours after each meal.
5. After 1 ½ to 2 hours, begin sipping water and over the next three hoursslowly increase water intake.
6. 3 hours after last meal, begin drinking LOTS of water/fluids.
7. 15 minutes before the next meal, drink as much as possible as fast aspossible. This is called "water loading," IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING OVERTHE LAST FEW HOURS, THIS 'WATER LOADING' WILL NOT WORK.
8. You can water load at any time 2-3 hours before your next meal if you get hungry, which will cause a strong feeling of fullness.

THE MANAGEMENT OF PATIENT TEACHING AND TRAINING: You must provide information to the patient preoperatively regarding thefact that the pouch is only a tool: a tool is something that is used to perform atask but is useless if left on a shelf unused. Practice working with a toolmakes the tool more effective.

NECESSITY FOR LONG TERM FOLLOW-UP: Trying to practice the "rules of the pouch" before six to 12 months is awaste. Learning how to delay hunger if the patient is never hungry justdoesn't work. The real work of learning the "rules of the pouch" beginsafter healing has caused hunger to return.

PREVENTION OF VOMITING: Vomiting should be prevented as much as possible. Right after surgery, thepatient should sip out of 1 oz cups and only 1/3 of that cup at a time untilthe patient learns the size of his/her pouch to avoid being sick.It is extremely difficult to learn to deal with a small pouch. For the first6 months, the patient's mouth will literally be bigger than his/her stomach,which does not exist in any living animal on earth.In the first six weeks the patient should slowly transfer from a liquid dietto a blenderized or soft food diet only, to reduce the chance of vomiting.Vomiting will occur only after eating of solid foods begins. Rice, pasta,granola, etc., will swell in time and overload the pouch, which will causevomiting. If the patient is having trouble with vomiting, he/she needs toget 1 oz cups and literally eat 1 oz of food at a time and wait a few minutesbefore eating another 1 oz of food. Stop when "comfortably satisfied," untilthe patient learns the size of his/her pouch.

SIX WEEKS: After six weeks, the patient can move from soft foods to heavy solids. Atthis time, they should use three or more different types of foods at eachsitting. Each bite should be no larger than the size of a pinkie fingernailbed. The patient should choose a different food with each bite to preventthe same solids from lumping together. No liquids 15 minutes before or 1 ½ hoursafter meals.

REASSURANCE OF ADEQUATE NUTRITION: By taking vitamins everyday, the patient has no reason to worry aboutgetting enough nutrition. Focus should be on proteins and vegetables at each meal.

MEAL SKIPPING: Regardless of lack of hunger, patient should eat three meals a day. In thebeginning, one half or more of each meal should be protein, until thepatient can eat at least two oz of protein at each meal.

ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS: In our study, we noticed some patients had intense hunger cravings whichstopped when they eliminated artificial sweeteners from their diets.

AVOIDING ABSOLUTES: Rules are made to be broken. No biggie if the patient drinks with one meal -as long as the patient knows he/she is breaking a rule and will get hungryearly. Also if the patient pigs out at a party - that's OK because beforesurgery, the patient would have pigged on 3000 to 5000 calories and with thepouch, the patient can only pig on 600-1000 calories max. The patient needs to just get back to the rules and not beat him/herself up.

THREE MONTHS: At three months, the patient needs to become aware of thecalories per gram of different foods to be aware of "the cost" of each gram.(cheddar cheese is 16 cal/gram; peanut butter is 24 cals/gram). As soon ashunger returns between three to six months, begin water loading procedures.

THREE PRINCIPLES FOR GAINING AND MAINTAINING SATIETY:

1. Fill pouch full quickly at each meal
2. Stay full by slowing the emptying of the pouch. (Eat solids. No liquids15minutes before and none until 1 ½ hours after the meal). A scientific testshowed that a meal of egg/toast/milk had almost all emptied out of the pouchafter 45 minutes. Without milk, just egg and toast, more than ½ of the mealstill remained in the pouch after 1 ½ hours.
3. Protein, protein, protein. Three meals a day. No high calorie liquids.

FLUID LOADING: Fluid loading is drinking water/liquids as quickly as possible to fill thepouch which provides the feeling of fullness for about 15 to 25 minutes. The patient needs to gulp about 80% of his/her maximum amount of liquid in 15 to30 SECONDS. Then just take swallows until fullness is reached. The patientwill quickly learn his/her maximum tolerance, which is usually between 8-12oz.Fluid loading works because the roux limb of the intestine swells up,contracting and backing up any future food to come into the pouch. The pouch is very sensitive to this and the feeling of fullness will last much longerthan the reality of how long the pouch was actually full. Fluid load before each meal to prevent thirst after the meal as well as to create that feeling of fullness whenever suddenly hungry before meal time.

POST PRANDIAL THIRST: It is important that the patient be filled with water before his/her nextmeal as the meal will come with salt and will cause thirst afterwards. Beingtoo thirsty, just like being too hungry will make a patient nauseous. Whilethe pouch is still real small, it won't make sense to the patient to do thisbecause salt intake will be low, but it is a good habit to get into becauseit will make all the difference once the pouch begins to regrow.

URGENCY: The first six months is the fastest, easiest time to lose weight. By the endof the six months, 2/3 of the regrowth of the pouch will have been done.That means that each present day, after surgery you will be satisfied with lesscalories than you will the very next day. Another way to put it is thatevery day that you are healing, you will be able to eat more. So exercise as muchas you can during that first six months as you will never be able to loseweight as fast as you can during this time.

SIX MONTHS: Around this time, our patients begin to get hungry between meals. THEY NEEDTO BATTLE THE EXTRA SALT INTAKE WITH DRINKING LOTS OF FLUIDS IN THE TWO TO THREE HOURS BEFORE THEIR NEXT MEAL. Their pouch needs to be well watered before they do the last gulping of water as fast as possible to fill the pouch 15 minutes before they eat.

INTAKE INFORMATION SHEET AS A TEACHING TOOL: I have found that having the patients fill out a quiz every time they visitreminds them of the rules of the pouch and helps to get them "back ontrack." Most patients have no problems with the rules, some patients reallystruggle to follow them and need a lot of support to "get it", and a smallpercentage never quite understand these rules, even though they are quite intelligent people.

HONEYMOON SYNDROME: The lack of hunger and quick weight loss patients have in the first sixmonths sometimes leads them to think they don't need to exercise as much andcan eat treats and extra calories as they still lose weight anyway. We callthis the "honeymoon syndrome" and they need to be counseled that this is theonly time they will lose this much weight this fast and this easy and not towaste it by losing less than they actually could. If the patient's weightloss slows in the first six months, remind them of the rules of water intakeand encourage them to increase their exercise and drink more water. You cancompare their weight loss to a graph showing the average drop of weight ifit will help them to get back on track.

EXERCISE: In addition to exercise helping to increase the weight loss, it is importantfor the patient to understand that exercise is a natural antidepressant andwill help them from falling into a depression cycle. In addition, exercisejacks up their metabolic rate during a time when their metabolism after theshock of surgery tends to want to slow down.

THE IDEAL MEAL FOR WEIGHT LOSS: The ideal meal is one that is made up of the following: ½ of your meal to below fat protein, ¼ of your meal low starch vegetables and ¼ of your mealsolid fruits. This type of meal will stay in your pouch a long time and is good for your health.

VOLUME VS. CALORIES: The gastric bypass patient needs to be aware of the length of time it takesto digest different foods and to focus on those that take up the most spaceand take time to digest so as to stay in the pouch the longest, don't worryabout calories. This is the easiest way to "count your calories." Forexample, a regular stomach person could gag down two whole sticks of butterat one sitting and be starved all day long, although they more than haveenough calories for the day. But you take the same amount of calories invegetables, and that same person simply would not be able to eat that muchfood at three sittings - it would stuff them way too much.

ISSUES FOR LONG TERM WEIGHT MAINTENANCE: Although everything stated in this report deals with the first year aftersurgery, it should be a lifestyle that will benefit the gastric bypasspatient for years to come, and help keep the extra weight off.

COUNTER-INTUITIVENESS OF FLUID MANAGEMENT: I admit that avoiding fluids at meal time and then pushing hard to drinkfluids between meals is against everything normal in nature and not anatural thing to be doing. Regardless of that fact, it is the best way to stay fullthe longest between meals and not accidentally create a "soup" in thestomach that is easily digested.

SUPPORT GROUPS: It is natural for quite a few people to use the rules of the pouch and thento tire of it and stop going by the rules. Others "get it" and adhere to therules as a way of life to avoid ever regaining extra weight. Having a support group makes all the difference to help those that go astray to be reminded of the importance of the rules ofthe pouch and to get back on track and keep that extra weight off. Support groups create a "peer pressure" to stick to the rules that the staff at the physician's office simply can'tcreate.

TEETER TOTTER EFFECT: Think of a teeter totter suspended in mid air in front of you. Now on theleft end is exercise that you do and the right end is the foods that youeat. The more exercise you do on the left, the less you need to worry about the amount of foods you eat on the right. In exact reverse, the more you worry about the foods you eat and keep it healthyon the right, the less exercise you need on the left. Now if you don'tconcern yourself with either side, the higher the teeter totter goes, whichis your weight. The more you focus on one side or the other, or even bothsides of the teeter totter, the lower it goes, and the less you weigh.

TOO MUCH WEIGHT LOSS: I have found that about 15% of the patients which exercise well and had between 100 to 150 lbs to lose, begin to lose way too much weight. I encourage them to keep up the exercise (which is great for their health) and to essentially "break the rules" of the pouch. Drink with meals so they caneat snacks between without feeling full and increase their fat content aswell take a longer time to eat at meals, thus taking in more calories. Asmall but significant amount of gastric bypass patients actually gounderweight because they have experienced (as all of our patients haveexperienced) the ravenous hunger after being on a diet with an out ofcontrol appetite once the diet is broken. They are afraid of eating again. Theydon't "get" that this situation is literally, physically different and that theycan control their appetite this time by using the rules of the pouch toeliminate hunger.

BARIATRIC MEDICINE: A much more common problem is patients who after a year or two plateau at alevel above their goal weight and don't lose as much weight as they want. Becareful that they are not given the "regular" advice given to any averageoverweight individual. Several small meals or skipping a meal with a liquidprotein substitute is not the way to go for gastric bypass patients. Theymust follow the rules, fill themselves quickly with hard to digest foods,water load between, increase their exercise and the weight should come offmuch easier than with regular people diets.

SUMMARY:

1. The patient needs to understand how the new pouch physically works.
2. The patient needs to be able to evaluate their use of the tool, compareitto the ideal and see where they need to make changes.
3. Instruct your patient in all ways (through their eyes with visual aids,ears with lectures and emotions with stories and feelings) not only on howbut why they need to learn to use their pouch. The goal is for the patientto become an expert on how to use the pouch.

EVALUATION FOR WEIGHT LOSS FAILURE: The first thing that needs to be ruled out in patients who regain their weight is how the pouch is set up.

1. The staple line needs to be intact;
2. Same with the outlet and;
3. The pouch is reasonably small.

1. Use thick barium to confirm the staple line is intact. If it isn't, thenthe food will go into the large stomach, from there into the intestines andthe patient will be hungry all the time. Check for a little ulcer at thestaple line. A tiny ulcer may occur with no real opening at the line, whichcan be dealt with as you would any ulcer. Sometimes, though, the ulcer isthere because of a break in the staple line. This will cause pain for thepatient after the patient has eaten because the food rubs the little opening of the ulcer. If there is a tiny opening at the staple line, then are operation must be done to actually separate the pouch and the stomachcompletely and seal each shut.
2. If the outlet is smaller than 7-8 mill, the patient will have problemseating solid foods and will little by little begin eating onlyeasy-to-digestfoods, which we call "soft calorie syndrome." Thiscauses frequent hunger and grazing, which leads to weight regain.
3. To assess pouch volume, an upper GI doesn't work as it is a liquid. Thecottage cheese test is useful - eating as much cottage cheese as possible infive to 15 minutes to find out how much food the pouch will hold. Itshouldn't be able to hold more than 1 ½ cups in 5 - 15 minutes of quickeating.

If everything is intact then there are four problems that it may be:

1. The patient has never been taught the rules;
2. The patient is depressed;
3. The patient has a loss of peer support and eventual forgetting of rules,or
4. The patient simply refuses to follow the rules.

• LACK OF TEACHING: An excellent example is a female patient who is 62 years old. She had theoperation when she was 47 years old. She had a total regain of her weight.She stated that she had not seen her surgeon after the six week follow up 15years ago. She never knew of the rules of the pouch. She had initially lost50 lbs and then with a commercial weight program lost another 40 lbs. Afterthat, she yo-yoed up and down, each time gaining a little more back. Shethen developed a disease (with no connection to bariatric surgery) which weakenedher muscles, at which time she gained all of her weight back. At the timeshe came to me, she was treated for her disease, which helped her to beginwalking one mile per day. I checked her pouch with barium and the cottagecheese test which showed the pouch to be a small size and that there was noleakage. She was then given the rules of the pouch. She has begun animpressive and continuing weight loss, and is not focused on food as shewas, and feeling the best she has felt since the first months after her operation15 years ago.
• DEPRESSION: Depression is a strong force for stopping weight loss or causing weightgain.A small number of patients, who do well at the beginning, disappear for awhile only to return having gained a lot ofweight. It seems that they almost on purpose do exactly opposite ofeverything they have learned about their pouch: they graze during the day,drink high calorie beverages, drink with meals and stop exercising, eventhough they know exercise helps stop depression. A 46 year-old woman, oneyear out of her surgery had been doing fine when her life was turned upsidedown with divorce and severe teenager behavior problems. Her weightskyrocketed. Once she got her depression under control and began refocusingon the rules of the pouch, added a little exercise, the weight came offquickly. If your patient begins weight gain due to depression, get him/herinto counseling quickly. Encourage your patient to refocus on the pouchrules and try to add a little exercise every day. Reassure your patient thathe/she did not ruin the pouch, that it is still there, waiting to be used to helpwith weight control. When they are ready the pouch can be used once again tolose weight without being hungry.
• EROSION OF THE USE OF PRINCIPLES: ome patients who are compliant, who are not depressed and have intactpouches, will begin to gain weight. These patients are struggling with theirweight, have usually stopped connecting with their support groups, and havebegun living their "new" life surrounded by those who have not had Bariatricsurgery. Everything around them encourages them to live life "normal" liketheir new peers: they begin taking little sips with their meals, and eatingquick and easy-to-eat foods. The patient will not usually call theirphysician's office because they KNOW what they are doing is wrong and KNOWthat they just need to get back on track. Even if you offer "refreshercourses" for your patients on a yearly basis, they may not attend becausethey KNOW what the course is going to say, they know the rules and how theyare breaking them. You need to identify these patients and somehow get themback into your office or back to interacting with their support group again.Once these patients return to their support group, and keep in contact withtheir WLS peers, it makes it much easier to return to the rules of the pouchand get their weight under control once again.
• TRUE NONCOMPLIANCE: The most difficult problem is a patient who is truly noncompliant. Thispatient usually leaves your care, complains that there is no 'connection'between your staff and themselves and that they were not given the time andattention they needed. Most of the time, it is depression underlying thenoncompliance that causes this attitude. A truly noncompliant patient willusually end up with revisions and/or reversal of the surgery due to weightgain or complications. This patient is usually quite resistant tocounseling. There is not a whole lot that can be done for these patients as they willfind a reason to be unhappy with their situation. It is easier to identifythese patients BEFORE surgery than to help them afterwards, although Ireally haven't figured out how to do that yet. Besides having a psychological examdone before surgery, there is no real way to find them before surgery and Iusually tend toward the side of offering patients the surgery with educationin hopes they can live a good and healthy life.

JOURNAL: November 24th - "7 mos. PostOp"

(click on the pictures for larger view)

Wow...it's hard to believe sometimes that it's been 7mos.....and then again, that time is so short, for the amount of weight I've lost. My new total is 111#'s....I'm loosing at a considerably slower rate now...which is good/bad.
Good, b/c I'm loosing at a normal rate....BAD, b/c I'm used to the pounds just dropping off...and now I have to work for it...and be patient for the results.

I'm glad it was fast at first b/c I just KNOW me....if it wouldn't have worked this way - I would've given up like so many other times I tried to loose weight! It never was successful. This has been a transition...I'm not gonna say "hard" - b/c that is a story to make this choice a little more dramatic. It is what it is...and I'm glad for my choice to have weight loss surgery.

Boy, do I feel amazing! Now if the last 72#'s could come off easy... but, something tells me it won't be that easy... I'm gonna have to work at it - the mere "mortal way!" LOL.

JOURNAL: November 10th - "My New Jeans..."

SO...ABOUT MY NEW JEANS:

I've been griping about my size 20 jeans I bought at Walmart...they've been sagging and loose. (plus they are sooo "suburban mommy jeans" - not trendy or cool) Anyway...I've been on a search for jeans...and the other day, my girlfriend - Steph, and I went to Macy's. I've had NO success finding jeans in the "big girl section" of other trendy stores like Urban Outfitters, Gap, or Old Navy (all have max 16)....even Conway or Strawberry- my 2 new fav trendy stores....both have my size but b/c I have really big legs - NO LUCK!!

My butt may be smaller...but WOW, chunky legs from about the knee up so it's hard!!

So....last week I was watching a show called "What not to Wear" (love this show!) and saw a larger girl going for a style make-over...and they went to a dept. store for cool jeans. SO...this is why I went to Macy's. I bought 3 pair's of jean....2 size 20's (fit is soooo different than my other 20's b/c of the 'straight leg - boot cut'...) the 3rd pr. is a repeat in 18W of the blue jeans b/c I love them...and want them for later!!! I'm pretty pleased even though they are 20's! I just feel cooler...anyway...here's a pic of me...and my new fun sweater hoodie, and fun urban sketchers!

(click on the picture for a larger view....)

"DEEP SCHTUFF" about me....

Thru my "Journey"....I've dealt with a bunch of 'eating disorder' issues and why I had a severe eating disorder at 12yrs.
My issues were not surrounding abuse... but, were some issues of 'abandonment.'

Growing as a little girl...I must've been such a "DADDY'S GIRL"....b/c at around 5 my dad was sent on a LONG TDY and had to leave. The story surrounding me packing all my most precious treasure...and getting ready to go with him was sooo sad and sweet. I wanted to go...and be with him I didn't understand it was 'his job' - he was gone 1yr.- one visit home.)

Then...at age 12 he left again...(this time divorcing my mom and moving to Colorado -we lived in TX)

When he left the first time....I was hurt deeply...
a funny story:
During this time...my mom had these incredibly sharp tiny manicure scissors...she wouldn't let me play with them...I snuck and found them and played with them in her closet. The only thing to cut in there was clothing so I proceeded to cut 'teeny tiny holes' in my mother's clothing...skipping over my 'favorite dress' of hers...and stopping at my daddy's clothes.She was baffled at how the holes go there...and there were sooo many in different places.....and one day was talking to her best friend about it.I was listening in...and suggested that maybe it was a "little mouse." Shortly after that...I found myself in a child psychologist's office!
(That's about the end of the 'funny'...except as an adult...I joke about that is where the first love of FASHION, FABRIC & SCISSORS came from...that's why I'm a fashion designer! LOL)

The setup was simple when I went to the shrink....I would go in first...playing some games with him...and we'd talk. Then Mom would go in and "talk about me" - I've always hated this...when she talks about me. But at that young age...I'd sit in the 'waiting room' and read or play games - or....THAT is what I was SUPPOSED to be doing. In actuality I'd be "mowing" down on the sugar cubes in his coffee service!!! THIS is my first remembrance of a unhealthy eating habit!!WOW...age 5!!! Over the years my eating became a HUGE emotional security blanket....and got bigger and more messed up.
SO....I carried all these "yuck feelings" and behaviors into my relationships & into the most important with my DH. Last summer ('05), I started thru an educational program that changed my life...I MEAN REALLY changed my life!! ~ It was called the LANDMARK Education. (It is a secular program...but God made this ROCK CRY OUT in my life and breathe HIS TRUTH into my life in a HUGE way!!!) The program was the catalyst for me having WLS. It was awesome b/c Russ and I did the whole series...and it ended a month b/f my WLS....anyway.

While there are 3 parts to this educational series... during the first part I realized that I was pretending to be "OK" with my weight....when really I wasn't...and when I came to the realization that I'd "shut up" anyone who had anything to say to me on the subject of my weight/food/dieting...(esp. Russ) I was grieved.
The ugly truth: I was a 'shutter upper'- my Ms. Jeckel would come up if you had anything to say to me on this subject...if I brought it up, you were to sit quietly and nod in agreement with my revelation or what I wanted to do. Otherwise - the evil biatch would rear her UGLY HEAD!!! The sad part...was I also realized it was not only on the subject of FOOD...it touched aspects of me being TIDDY...and MONEY issues.
The harsh reality was the longer there were "taboo subjects" within my marriage with Russ...I'd eventually snuff out the spark in his eye for me...and I'd loose my prince!
This is when... thru the "landmark process" & different tools I learned to use..... how I got my purpose to be "loving and authentic"....and to "give voice to others" - ESPECIALLY RUSS!

There are NO longer ANY taboo subjects. It took us a year going thru...and practicing the techniques..as well as recalling painful memories...and having TONS of clearing up of OLD unhealthy lies - replacing them with TRUTHS. Which brings me back to my funny/not so funny story...Since this memory was recalled I've healed a lot of those old memories...I realized at that young age I started believing "lies" about my life way back then - like - "I am ON MY OWN"....or "My Daddy doesn't love me" (-b/c if he did, he wouldn't leave me...or leave me with 'her'....and that is when my Mom became my enemy.)WOW...once I unraveled the lies and replaced them with TRUTH...and forgave my Daddy...myself for judging GOD...my Mommy....and just the 'unexplainable things that children don't have the capacity to understand'.
THEN, an only then, was I gaining some inner peace...and some healing on my 'food issues.' as well as start a NEW healthy relationship with my Mom...Dad...God....and FOOD.

JOURNAL: October 24th - "My Old Self..."

At this point...I'm starting to feel more and more like my "old self"....I am now at my wedding weight. And LOVE that.....

That was such a Huge accomplishment...it's no longer embarassing to take pictures....and I don't mind someone snapping a picture on the spur of the moment.

This picture is taken for my current resume/card....for freelance work. The adventures are never ending...I'm starting to do a little 'styling'....and hoping that this may be a fun freelance avenue for the time being. (At least to build up a working portfolio. Need a stylist??) ~D

JOURNAL: October 21st - "meeting with my buddy"

Today I met with my sweet WLS support buddy!! On more than this occasion has she made me laugh...and have I enjoyed being with her. This day we had hoped that more of the RR WLS support group would join us in Manhatten for a day of fun and visiting...but it just worked out that it was just Janae & Me. (and our children of corse!)
After going to Sephora for a DIOR makeover...we walked up 7th to Central Park so the kiddos could run and play....and Janae and I hoped that we'd get to see the changing leaves. Janae had never been to Central Park...(she lives in Jersey now)...and she had fun snapping pictures of the fun Central park bridges. This picture is sooo fun, b/c when she sent this to me - I had an "AH HA!" moment....WOW, I almost look like a normal person from the back!!! I don't know why this is such a WONDERFUL pictures....the gorgeous bridge...with our kids running toward it....or my amazingly small "behind!" LOL.

This was truely a wonderful day....THANKS JANAE....not only for meeting me in the city...but taking this picture so I could have this fun chuckle....Love ya girl!! The next picture is us in front of the Central Park skating rink....oooooh, were we cold! Oh...we are the Pink clan....I didn't know that I'd like PINK soooo much. - thanks for that too, J'nae!!!~

JOURNAL: October 19th - "Surprise from my wonderful Hubby...."

(click on Photo to see larger!!)

First...a wonderful Card.....here is what it says:

"CONGRATULATIONS...."Pride comes not from the goals you acheive but from the way you pursue them."inside: On this special day, many people are sharing in the pride you feel, hoping that the acheivement you celebrate will open the door to a future filled with hapiness & success. ~ Happy 6 month Post-Op day! Love, Husband xxxO~"

The note he wrote shows you all what an amazingly wonderful man I'm married to!! Of course...most of you already know that....

"My Sweetheart, Congratulations!!! Today is your 6mo. post op! You've lost over 100 lbs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Way to go! That's an amazing acheivement!I'm so proud of you baby...you were so (& continue to be) brave...and your attitude has been outstanding! I can't recall of a single moment where you complained - even during "the foamies!" Not even when you needed to make a quick detour off 7th avenue a couple of times when we were apartment hunting. I'm also so proud of you for encouraging & inspiring others along your journey. I've so enjoyed watching you revel in the "little" victories -- "I can cross my legs!" -- "I walked 20+ blocks today!" -- "I can wear so & so outfit again!" Keep up the excellent work my love! You're scoring a "10" & deserve an "A+"!!

So....then....he gives me a 1/2 DOZEN Red Roses!!! "There is one for every month of your journey!"Here is the picture of my fun!!! My Husband is sooo sooo wonderful!!! Could never have done this without him!!

JOURNAL: October 12th - "External & Internal"

(CLICK ON PHOTO...for a closer look....

trust me it's worth it, I worked hard to try to keep those pants UP!! LOL.)

ONE SIDE OF WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY: The external..... I wanted to take this picture at 100# lost....this is the same outfit I wore to the hospital the day of my surgery. If you look at me from the front view I still look as wide as I was at 333....but, the side view is where I lost the 100#!! Especially in my bootie!! Wow...Russ and I have had a fun laugh or two!! One of my WLS buddies said it looks like my bootie shifted to my boobies!! I love celebrating each milestone...it's the amazing part of this process....but, also part of the excitement.

THERE IS ANOTHER SIDE: The internal...there are still the same thoughts. Even though my insides were rearranged, and a tool was created that is benefits my weightloss....my brain did not change. I am triggered by the same things...

• Late Night TV watching
• Emotional or stressful times
• Boredom
• The presence of Sweets!
• Grocery shopping (although, I try to only stock the house with healthy food!)

The great part is being careful of what foods I supply our home with. The fear of dumping (even though I'm pretty sure I don't have dumping syndrome) And trying to be very very conscious of my tool" - my new stomach.

BEFORE WLS.... I ALWAYS HATED.... dieting.... when I wasn't on a diet I was eating the wrong foods. Usually overeating and/or choosing the wrong foods.... obsessing over food. THEN, when I was on a diet... I was still thinking about food constantly - but usually about eating the "right" foods. Constantly planning menues or meals... thinking.... journalling... counting points... measuring foods...AHHH! OBSESSING!! I couldn't seem to get away from my nemisis.

AFTER WLS...I still think about food constantly - but now, I think of it not as my enemy but as part of the tool. One tool will not work without the other. I'm still working on my brain...and how I think. THIS is the MOST important aspect of the weightloss surgery. If I don't do my part working thru the internal inventory...It won't work.

"Will I still get thin?"

Yes, but....I will still have the internal war...and never live the ALL AROUND healthy life that God intends for me. It doesn't have to be one or the other. As a FAT PERSON...I came to some breakthrus about myself and my life. Some of which contributed to my having the weighloss surgery. And now, those breakthrus can travel with me and generate new breakthrus....to where I will be able to live without this struggle. It's a process.... I'm committed.

This is my new life - I committed to go thru this WLS in 3D....seeing all sides and dimensions. I no longer want to live a 2D life.

JOURNAL: October 3rd "updated face comparison"...

(click on the picture for a larger view)

I just thought I'd commemorate my 100# loss.... I know the facial comparison is dramatic...Russ keeps telling me he can't believe that I've changed sooo much. I see the difference too...I just think I look so "swollen" in my before shot!! Not to mention - what was I thinking with that BLONDE HAIR?? I'm looking at myself in the mirror...and just thinkin, "where you been girl?" It's been a long time since I've seen this "Deborah"....actually since my honeymoon! I still have quite a bit to loose...but, I'm likeing myself now. I'm looking forward to the continueing weight loss...

"Beauty Shop" & "Hair Loss"

Ok....so, we played "Beauty Shop" at my house last night...and my hubby was such a 'sport'....he did a great job...and after a quick demonstration as I showed him how to put the color in as I applied all I could reach on the top and thru the front sides.....Then he went to town!!! He did a great job.....I've only tried to color my own hair one other time....and it was a disaster!! So, I was pretty nervous....even picking a color was nerve racking!! I did the best I could with the synthetic hair swatches...but, overall...I think it looks pretty close to my old color. It freaked me out a little when I saw it....the highlights were almost the color of our walls!!!But....now it's "growing on me!!" LOL......If you don't like it...don't tell me....I'm still too new in the process...and it is our 'first try!" LOL..... When I need a touch up....if I go for the same color....then if you don't like it you can let me know!! LOL.....
JUST A WARNING:I know no one wants to see my ol' hair balls....but, when I was inquiring with everyone else....how much hair they were losing.... I never knew what some may consider a lot.... or just a little.... etc.So.... last night while coloring my hair - Hubby and I noticed the large quantities of hair coming out! A little thru the process I told my hubby, "Lets save it.... " I wanted to take a picture.... of course to post it!!!If you are curious about hair loss.... (remember, everyone is different) and you wonder what I consider "a Lot" to be.... here it is!!!

JOURNAL: September 27th "Walking..."

Today was interesting.....
I'm selling all sorts of "things" on eBay and now that we are here in NYC...and you can't just jump in the car and take a quick trip to the postoffice...you have to "HOOF IT!"

The other thing that isn't easy...is when you have the amount of things that had to be mailed-whew! Anyway, I got my 'super duper' shopping cart....(everytime I look get this thing out I think of one of my best friends - "Dr. Jill"- and the first time she took me to "First Monday" in Canton, TX!! ohhhh, do I miss ya Jill...)

So... I got my "Dr. Jill super duper cart" & loaded it up with all the supplies to wrap up the dishes I sold.... bubble wrap... boxes... dishes... and air mattress we borrowed.... some care package for a buddy.... etc... and off to the Post office we went. WOW, I looked like a bag lady with things spilling out of the top and a HUGE box balanced precariously on the top!! At least we only had to walk a mere 12 blocks. (each way...) Thankfully we were going , for the most part, across the slope...so we didn't have to walk the up hill juant much! I let 'Bella "skip and run" (as she says...) beside me...and off we went! As I was walking...I noticed a difference in how I was feeling...no pain, discomfort, I wasn't winded....I was AMAZED! Walking home we looked sooo helarious...Look at 'Bella!!

My new Celeb Look alikes....

The only ones that are the same are Juliet Binoche....Fergie....and I think Florence Henderson....
Hmmmmm???? Ok.

JOURNAL: Sept. 18th - "Halfway to Goal!"

Last week I finally hit my half way point!! ...and I've LOST....another .4!!! I only needed .3 to be at my 1/2 way point!SOOOO, I'm over the 1/2 way point by .1#!!!!! WHOOOOHOOOOO!!! It's amazing how .4 lbs can make a HUGE difference in my attitude....I knew that I was retaining water...but, I was bummed!! ~ I'm thrilled to be past the 1/2 way mark...it makes such a difference to hit this GOAL!! Tomorrow is my 5 month post op anniversary....and today I'm UNDER 240# just hit 239, and that would make -11# down this month....I'm just sooo excited that I'm 1/2 way...and if I loose 100# by 6mos Post op...that would be great!! (I'd secretly hope that I will loose 110 by my six months....but, anyway I will wait...and just see what will happen. ) Thanks for celebrating with me!!!!

We took my 5mos. post op pictures a couple of days early...and even though it's only 10# I really can see the difference this month!!
I'm starting to feel like my "Old self..." - I even am beginning to see my collar bones! hmph!!

"How Much Water Should We Drink??"

H2O - Most experts agree that a good rule of thumb is to drink at least eight 8-oz. glasses of water. But....everyone is different...I've been hearing this for years) we all have unique water needs, depending on many factors. There used to be a hydration calculater on Brita.com...(now it's not there...)....today I found a new one when I was checking out info on Penta Water.....Thought I'd share it with you all. I know my Dr. says a minimum of 50oz. and on this board many say at least 64oz. This IBWA Hydration Calculator is easy to use...just enter you weight and the # of minutes you will be exercising today - and the calculator will tell you the recommended water intake that is tailored for your individual need. Cool thing....it also gives you a schedule of the best times of day to fulfill your daily requirement.Sounds cool huh....???
_________________________________
Here is mine:
Your total water intake today should be approximately:

122.5 oz. The best time of day for you to drink water-

• WAKE UP
• BEFORE BREAKFAST
• MID A.M.
• BEFORE LUNCH
• MID P.M.
• BEFORE DINNER
• MID EVENING
• BEFORE BED

(Remember: 80% of this amount is met by consuming water and beverages, while the other 20% is derived from foods.)
~little disclaimer~ I copied most of this information from the site where the calculator lives!!

_______________________________________________________

In case you didn't notice...I'm trying to motivate myself in my water drinking....I've been sooo bad with my hydration....Here are more WATER FACTS:Water's Role in the BodyWater helps nearly every part of the human body function efficiently. Considering that our bodies are almost two-thirds water, it is important to understand water's role in healthy lifestyles. The following are just some of the things water does in the body:

• Brain is 75% water /
• Moderate dehydration can cause headaches and dizziness
• Water is required for breathing
• Regulates body temperature
• Carries nutrients and oxygen to all cells in the body
• Blood is 92% water
• Moistens oxygen for breathing
• Protects and cushions vital organs
• Helps to convert food into energy
• Helps body absorb nutrients
• Removes waste
• Bones are 22% water
• Muscles are 75% water
• Cushions joints

Hoping you will get as much from this info as I am....It's all sooo interesting!!

Thinking and Praying for our Country....

.....and all the family and loved ones that suffer during the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

JOURNAL: September 6th/ 2006

Well...here we go!! I really am starting to see the difference in my face! WOW!! I'm excited about it.
This is one of the pictures taken last night at our US OPEN rainout...

I'm finally at the weight that I was when I returned from our Honeymoon. And now that my hair is RED again...I'm beginning to feel like my "old self!" Thanks for all of your support and emails!! Hey...you can leave comments on this blog....
DON'T BE SHY!! I'd love to hear from you...thanks again for all your support and prayers... I really am doing great. I'm adjusting to my new tummy...and obviously since I've lost 90#....it's working!!

US OPEN Rainout!!

(DOUBLE CLICK the Picture for a larger view...)
We had a bummer of an experience with our first US OPEN...
Russ and I were sooo excited...and then, when the rain came...it all changed!

Journal : 4 mos. Post-Op

Today was an exciting day....knowing that it is my 4mo. Post-Op anniversary....I jumped on the scale to see that I weighed exactly 250.0!! I haven't weighed this since my second year of marriage...I've lost 83.8#...and have exactly 100# to lose to hit my goal.

Here are my monthly progress pictures....with the comparison to my surgery day photos....

JOURNAL: 3 mos. PostOp Picture...

As you can see....I'm feeling a little sassy in my recent photos...

I'm definitely losing my BUTT!!! wow.... 67#'s gone....from my butt! LOL.I'm sooo glad I had this surgery!

I'm losing my BUTT!!

Journal: Nearly 3mos. Post Op....

It's been WAY too long since I last blogged....
I've been here and there...we are soooo busy with our move I can hardly believe it!!
The best part of it all is it keeps my mind off of what is actually happening with my weightloss...I just take it "day to day" - as I am forced to take everything else.
As of today I'm 65# down...and am feeling sooo great. I am amazed at the speed in which my weight is coming off...but, soooo thankful. I'm sooo glad I had this surgery! This picture is a comparison....Left is my "last supper" pic...and the other was taken about a month ago at my cousin's wedding. I had lost about 50# there. I haven't had another recent face shot...but, I suppose since my 3month anniversary is this week I'll be taking some more pictures....
I'll try not to be sooo lame in posting in the upcoming days and months...

Tiff's wedding....

Loved it...we had sooo much fun!

So did my daughter...she's just sooo tired from all her "flower girl duties...and dancing!

Sugar Free Candy????

Another disappointment.It did satisfy the sweet tooth...but in NO WAY was I desiring to eat the entire bag like I've done in my past.....They were just, "OK"....and I am not tempted....it's really weird how my tastes are changing....I know all of you warned me this would happen...but, it's a bit freaky!!
I did "creatively" eat SUSHI finally while in NYC this week. (for those who don't know...rice is off limits for about a year...b/c it expands in your tummy after eatting and can stretch out your pouch and/or make you very uncomfortable/sick).....I've been wanting it sooooooo much, and if you've ever been in NY, you'll know that there is a place to eat SUSHI everywhere!!!! Finally I decided that I'd get the sushi plate....and cut open the rice/seaweed paper part....and eat the insides....just eating a little portion of the rice. OH!!! LOVED IT!!! And didn't get sick - this was soooooo exciting!
AND I DID NOT OVEREAT!!!

Krispy Kreme Donuts....

Ok.....My uncle just brought 2 doz. Krispy Kreme hot donuts into our lodge...and coffee is brewing....

Oh, I'm trying to convince my hubby to go get one...and let me have the smallest bite. OH....have I told you I've been dreaming of Krispy Kremes??

Oh my they smell sooo good!! OKAY...he finally did.....and I took a tiny bite.....WOW! Soooooo amazing for the bite...and as I was chewing and it got mushy - not so great.

This makes me wonder....hmmmmm? Have I really ever ate a Krispy Kreme donut....I think I've always inhaled them.....wow. It tasted greasy...not so good...and the sugary tast went away...I really hope that it was not a lot of sugar.... that bite was not worth it AT ALL!!!!

If you are losing weight....

What are the things you "Can't wait for?"
I have a short list started in my mind...but, I'm sure everyone can relate to this...and there might be some on your list that I'm excited about for me to.....I'd love to hear what you are excited about for your WL....So....here are mine in no particular order:

• Crossing my legs
• Seeing my face again...the thinner heart-shaped face...
• wearing my size 14 bootcut, mid rise jeans. (I'm saving them...and love them...)
• fitting in a roller coaster ride
• Making my "Wedding Weight - 220#"
• Making my "10 year reunion Weight - 183#" (5# less than my graduation weight)
• Wearing some of the 'coolest' clothes I've designed...they are all about sizes 10-14.
• Creative Hanky Panky...LOL!!
• Going to the park with my daughter w/o the fear of not being able to catch up w/ her if I need to...
• walking up stairs and not getting "out of breath"

So....what about you??

Journal: 2 mos. Post Op

It's hard to see the difference for me....even though I'm 52# lighter. I do know that being 266#'s is an amazing accomplishment b/c every time I've done WW or Curves....I have had trouble getting out of the 270's!!
So, even though it's hard to see it...and celebrate the way I look....I will celebrate just being out of the 270's....this is a huge accomplishment.
I'm also very excited that I'm 50# lighter at my cousin's wedding...that is what I've been hoping for...and know that I'll feel soooo much better...and find something to wear. LOL.
I'll post a head shot from the wedding when I get them.

The "orange" picture is my 4 weeks post-op pictures. (hard to tell that I've lost anything...although, I did lose 35# in the first month...and out of "THREEDOM"!)
The "green" are my 8 week post op pictures. Taken while we are traveling this summer. We are in the beautiful town of Grey....staying at our dear friends, Bod & Karen's home. (LOVE THEM!!) This photo is taken out in front of their home....wow, is it beautiful here!!

TWOTERVILLE!!!!!

Whooooo Hoooooo!

this is soooo awesome....say "good-bye Threedom!"

For those of you who are non-weightloss people...I've left the 3oo's and have entered the high 200's....thus being "twoterville!"

Wow....Dumping is NO FUN!!

I've only dumped one time...and it wasn't even on something fun...it was on liquid Tylenol!!UGH! I knew that not everyone would be blessed with Dumping syndrome...yes, I do say blessed...I prayed that I would have it - because I knew that it would keep me from SWEETS & CHEATING... So, on my first day home when I started my first episode...I was soooo ill...but eventually I was thankful that I had it!!
....and.....I haven't Cheated either!! lol.

My Food Epiphany.....

I really had a huge breakthru about "who I was being with food" before my surgery....and "who I am being NOW with food" after surgery...
Before my surgery... I loved going out with friends for lunch, dinner.... or meeting over coffee or breakfast - all these little "get togethers" surrounded food ! Wow, I just am amazed... it was such a wonderful realization...before surgery I would be focused on where & what we would eat...and have great conversation and once the food arrived ... my attention span shifted to the inanimate substance sitting delectably in front of me! I didn't realize until I went to dinner last night...Knowing that no matter WHAT is in front of me - foodwise - I would not be able to stuff myself...focus on it too much, etc. So, my mind shifted...I had to make a conscience shift to focus on my environment...the others around me...and the whole conversations.
THAT was when it hit me....this was something completely new for me...This dinner was not about the good food...it was about those around me...visiting....enjoying the environment....and soaking up the evening like I don't ever think I've done.I'm excited...this is completely new thinking for me!!WOW...

Journal: 12 days Post Op....

I am actually feeling soooo great. It is really amazing. I went to my doc last Thurs. and had lost 16# and now it's about 20#.....wow.....I'm soooo excited.

I foung this great picture of where the trocars went for my laproscopic surgery....I'm sorry if this offends you...but, it's just the way it was for me less than 2 weeks ago...I watched the surgery on a Cybercast hosted by Carnie Wilson whose own bypass procedure in 1999 was the first to be shown live on the internet and became an inspiration to many who were considering the surgery. Today, almost seven years after her surgery, Carnie Wilson is 125 lbs. lighter, a new mom and the spokesperson for Lite and Hope a role that gives her great joy and purpose. Carnie will host this cybercast and will be joined by co-commentators. The week before my surgery I watched it....it's sooo awesome, ...and now that I've found it and this picture...it brings back memories. Funny enough...my tiny scars are healing great...it's the irritation from the band-aids...or places where my skin was ripped by the adhesive bandage that is causing a bigger problem.

If you are really interested...click on the link above to see the surgery...or just enjoy this cool picture!

I'm really doing great....no pain, or soreness...and I'm off of all pain meds. I'm eatting puree's now....and some soft food...and will be on this regime for the next week and a half.~

Journal: 6 days Post Op....

I really am doing great! Yesterday was a little surprising...b/c I actually was feeling some pain...(4 on a scale to 10 - not bad!) but, I'd say my pain has been very well controlled keeping it 1 or so up to then....just primarily soreness. I have a nice little set up...I have been "living" in a recliner a friend lent us (she had this surgery 2 yrs ago...and said it was awesome - and it is...) and I get up to move around as the doctor instructs...but I place my rear-end here most of the time...and sleep here too. Russ brings me his laptop, which I place on a pillow on my tummy as I recline...and browse the net - or write emails.

Isabella, my daughter, is with my Mother...and boy, do I miss her!! I don't miss all the activity that is required with a little one who will be 3 in a matter of months...but her sweet little voice on the phone doesn't help...just makes me miss her more! It is a week today since I really spent any time with her... ::::sigh::::

I meet with the hospital's nutritionist and post- bariatric surgery liaison tomorrow...and get my staples out at my Dr's apt. on Thursday. Hopefully I will then find out when I can lift "things" (my only want to lift is my sweet little 27# lumb of lovin into my lap...and squeeze her tight!)...and when I will start to feel less tired etc.

Russ and I did venture out to a movie last night....it was fun....but very tiring, even though I was taxi'd to the front door by Russ and we took every step very slow. We went to one with the VERY comfortable seats, and on the row where there is a railing in front, so I could put up my feet. I took a small pillow with me - it feels really good to press a pillow on my belly...esp. where my central left incision is. That is where I feel the pressure and soreness when I move around. We saw "Inside Man" with Denzel...and that cute Aussi....can't remember his name right now....and bit part w/ Jodi Foster. Loved it!

We also walked right in with a smoothie....this was a fun experience....we stopped at Smoothie King before we went to the theatre....and bought one 20 oz smoothie....asked the guy to pour off 6oz. in a kids cup for me...and Russ took the rest. I have a feeling we will spend the rest of our lives sharing whatever we buy "out!" It's going to be great for me....and Russ too, since all of our portions in the US are so huge anyway.

So....that is what is "UP" with me....my pain is reduced to just soreness when I'm on my meds....and I am able to spread out the dosage time now to double time. Eating is interesting...I am NEVER hungry...and am on a strick schedule of 8-10-12-2-5-8 by my doc for the next 2-3 weeks....all is liquid right now....and I have to get at least 50gms of protein a day to help speed along my recovery he say...I suspect it's also to keep me from getting malnurished. I know they have me drinking so often so I won't get dehydrated. I can only consume about 4-6 oz. ever half hour is this about right??This morning my hubbie, Russ, made me a 6 oz protein shake...and it took nearly an hour for me to finish it. I'm using ISOPURE protein mix...I like it b/c it's loaded with 25gms in one scoop! It makes me laugh, because a week ago, when I was still on liquids preparing for my surgery...I'd make a 12oz. protein shake and slurp it down in 5min. or less.....wow, what a difference!!Well...I'm going to take some time to sleep....I'm glad to be posting again...and FINALLY on the POST-op side of surgery

Journal: recorded 2 days Post Op....

Wednesday, April 19th/ 2006 – Surgery Day!!
We woke up chipper around 5:45am….got dressed and loaded the car and took off to take Isabella to my friend Kathryn’s house. She didn’t live far from the hospital, so it was great to have her go there. Then… Mom, Russ, and I went to Vista Surgery Center of Dallas. We arrived about 20 minutes to 8am so we were early…and we just went to fill out all the necessary paperwork .We didn’t wait long before they took me to the room I’d come to after I got out of recovery…we took all my things there, & I changed into a hospital gown. My friends Karen and Martha Anne came to be at the hospital and just sit, pray and be with Russ and Mom. Shortly after the five of us settle and started talking in the hospital room the entourage of technicians came to start poking and prodding…I had blood drawn, and EKG…and pregnancy test…and then I was taken down to the place where they get you situated b/f surgery. I had my EGD done at Vista hospital…so I was familiar with the nurses…and the area – there they inserted my IV tubes and started me on saline and an antibiotic….Russ was able to come in there with me.
My doctor, Dr. Barker had one surgery before mine…which took some extra time…so my surgery which was originally scheduled for 9:30am….was pushed back. I think my doctor came in around 11am and then Russ had to go to the waiting room to join Mom, Karen and Martha Anne. Dr. Wu, was my anesthesiologist…as soon as he got there…he had 2 syringes…and he said one was my ‘margarita’…and the other was to prevent me from having a hangover or getting sick. Because I was having the gastric bypass…they do all they can to keep you from getting sick or having nausea…vomiting in the first days isn’t the greatest idea when they’ve just operated in that vicinity.
Shortly after that…nothing….I don’t even remember leaving that little cubby. The next thing I remember is a nurse lightly slapping my face…and saying, “Deborah, wake up…your surgery is over….can you wake up for me?”
My whole recovery room memory is in pieces…and as I think about it…it’s strangely disturbing, and definitely the worst I’ve felt since the surgery. I recall, Cold… cold…. Muffled talking…..cold. A nurse with short hair is standing to my right…talking to someone across the room while she is writing. My eyes…. open…. closed…. open…. ”Deborah, are you waking up?” All I can muster is, “ugggh.” When I open my eyes I see the top of Dr. Barkers head sitting at a desk working across the room from where I am…:::blink:::….he’s not there. I felt like all I did was blink, but I was probably not completely coherent or conscience. It is soooo cold in this place…and I feel like a BLOB…I feel like my stomach has a soccer ball in it…or just a big ball of pressure. I’m not hurting – I just feel like crap. As I am coming around and can keep my eyes open longer and longer I am more aware of the nurses around me…one of them is Rochelle…the nurse that came and got me from my room and took me down to pre-op, and the other is a nurse I recognize from when I had my EGD. My mouth is sooo dry…my lips feel chapped, or the whole area is like sandpaper especially way back in my mouth close to my throat. There is some mention of a cathater…and then there is pressure…then release….then the nurses broke out in laughter. Rochelle tells the short haired nurse says, “oops! Happens to everyone once in a while…” and then I hear that she spilled my pee. I mumbled something to her about not blaming that on me…and they started laughing and said they thought I was alert enough to go to my room if I was cracking jokes. I tried to focus on the clock and all I could see was it was sometime in the one o’clock hour.
Once I was moved from the recovery room we wheeled past the waiting room where I saw Karen…but not Russ & Mom. Karen said they went to eat some lunch…but that she’d find them and meet me in my room. Around this time…I became very aware of the pain in my abdomen… and was told it would be a bit of time until they could get me some pain medication. The seams in the doorway floors and the grates going in and out of the elevator caused me to catch my breath. At this point I started focusing and visualizing the pain…it’s shape…and color. I became very subdued and focused on being patient for the pain. The ‘Disappearing Technique’ got me thru however many minutes I waited for the pain pump. Honestly…I adjusted…I decided to be honest and open with myself about what degree of pain I was in…no more, no less. This got me thru and gave me the courage to jump out of bed when my nurse came in to ask me if I wanted to try the “Barium Swallow” now, or in the morning. I flung the sheets back and pulled my self up to get into her wheelchair as quickly as possible, as if I didn’t grab the offer it might retract at any moment.
I was motivated by the sandpaper mouth and throat I was experiencing. All I wanted was a simple sip of water…I’d do anything for it at that moment…and being brave and going immediately for testing was the way I was going to solve the dryness.
The barium was not a problem…in fact I welcomed the thick potent taste – all I could think was it could alleviate some of the dryness and pain. Thankfully I followed the instruction to a “T” and Dr. Barker was there to praise me for jumping into this so quickly and to congratulate me on my soon-to-sip liquids!
As soon as I returned to the room, I received my first sips of water…we commemorated that moment with my sweet friend Karen giving it to me before she left for the day. AHHH, that was heaven!! I don’t think a sip of water ever in my life tasted soooo wonderful, wet and wanted. At that moment everything shifted for me…my pain shifted…my consciousnesses shifted…I was committed to my possibility of “Authenticity and Openness.”

TO BE CONTINUED....