Self Sabotage....

I am in self sabotage...("once again") regarding my commitment to this 49 days of wellness.

Today is suppose to be Day #2: I am having a hard time...and in my old habits.... (in Landmark Education's - Advanced Course - it's my "fixed way of being" called my ACT). I've found some new facets of my Act, "I'll never get it!"..."I'm confused...it's too hard." ~ which then allows me to be stuck...and not move forward!

I have not stuck by my commitment in this 49 days of Health & Wellness...I did not prepare for yesterday- shopping wise. I am not working my plan - because I have not made a plan.
I have been completely powerless and feel this way regarding Day#1 & 2. I didn't eat properly day 1...and tonight thought I'd try to begin again...and didn't prepare. So...day one and two are out....and the new facets come into play.
I defintely see how and WHY, I've been unsuccessful in the past. And b/c of these realizations, I realize I'm pretending that I'm playing the game -full court...to cover up "I'm scared I'll fail."
Making up the story about how I will "once again fail" justifying my probablel almost certain future that I will give up again and fail.
This step is HUGE for me...I feel like this is the step that will give me my health and vitality back...this will make a huge difference when I am I post-op...and can only eat very very small amounts of food. I keep thinking...if I can only put that small amount in at a time...I want it to be a healthy food...instead of the junk that I choose...or that is what is offered at the grocery. I'm still a bit "miffed" about the racket of the hydrogenated oils that are in absolutely EVERYTHING processed...and then in a ton of other foods, like peanut butter...etc.

UGH!! I better quit before I get going.....

My Plan:
Pick up tomorrow...go to teach in a few hours...then go to the grocery for Sunday/Monday preparation. Hopefully I can pick up here....

Only about 10 weeks pre-op....I can barely wait for all of this "waiting" to be in the past!!!~